


Heart of Stone

by Kaddi



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, M/M, POV: Riku, based on "Das kalte Herz" (Heart of Stone) by Wilhelm Hauff, don't need to know it tho to enjoy this!, lots of emotions, lots of talks about hearts owed to this being a au of kh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaddi/pseuds/Kaddi
Summary: Riku, a blacksmith's apprentice, is so tangled up in his emotions that he makes a deal with a forest demon to exchange his beating heart for one that cannot feel.rated t for themes and so repliku can say "fuck"
Relationships: Riku & Repliku, Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 89
Collections: KH Fairy tales and Folktales





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> after 6 months it's finally done. this story is loosely based on Wilhelm Hauff's fairy tale "das kalte Herz", which is, i think, a more obscure German fairy tale. I got the idea when i happened to see like 5 minutes of a movie adaptation back in february!  
> enjoy!

Deep in the Black Forest, in one of the many villages that graced the mountain range and its valleys, lived two boys. They were best friends, and yet could not be more different.

Sora shone brighter than even the sun. In every person he saw something good, and becoming his friend was not difficult at all. So the villagefolk laughed and said, becoming his friend must be a fate inescapable. No one, not the solitary blacksmith, not the weathered innkeeper, not the grumpiest curmudgeon uttered a mean word about him.

His only foil was his best friend Riku. The blacksmith's apprentice had inherited his master's distant ways, and only sparsely cared for company. Most found his callous rudeness off-putting, when in truth it did not stem from a place of malice, but from unconcealed bluntness. Those who cared to look found kindness in his heart.

Sora and Riku had known each other since earliest childhood. Their mothers joked sometimes that Riku had been waiting for Sora to be born for the first year of his life. And still, at adolescence, they were inseparable. Where one went, the other followed. When they were not at work, they spent almost every waking hour together. And they complimented each other well.

Anyone who wished to truly befriend either of them would inevitably need to gain the other's favour – something Riku did not give easily.

Only recently, two travelers strayed into their village. Not too many people found their way here. The surrounding woods were said to be haunted by a monster or a demon. The shadows loomed larger, and the winters were colder than elsewhere. Or so it was said.

If you asked Riku, those were just fairy tales. Same with the story those travelers told: they claimed to be in search of a lost king. More likely, they were the ones lost and came up with this to save face. Still, they weren't a lot older than them, and Sora took a liking to them. Fabricated or not, news from outside was exciting.

Today again, the four of them were spending time together. Four, because as much as Riku rolled his eyes at them, he refused to give up time with Sora in exchange.

He sat with his back against Sora's, chipping away at the wood carving in his hands. No longer did he pretend to listen to their conversation; Truthfully, he did not even know the names of Sora's new friends, nor did he care to know. When they first came here, he had tried to connect with them for Sora's sake. But the smaller one had the temper of a rabid duck, and the taller one the look of a too naive dog, and Riku did not get along with them. No matter, they had to run out of tales to tell and move on eventually.

He glared at the bird figurine in his palm.

This was a phase and they would pass just like everyone else. They – nor anyone – could take Sora away from him. He was the one who would remain by Sora's side, not them. It didn't matter how well they got along with him, how easily they could make him laugh. They barely knew him. Not like Riku did. Which was why Sora was paying him less attention – they were new and exciting.

The wood's rough edges dug into his skin as he clenched his fist.

“Say, Sora, why don't you come with us?” the taller one asked. “That could be fun!”

Sora gasped and slapped the ground with both hands. “Really?”

“Of course!” the other one said boastfully.

“Riku, Riku, did you hear that?” Sora craned his head and put it on Riku's shoulder, ignorant to Riku's flinch. “We can travel with them! Finally see the world!”

“Travel? With these two?”

He could only see Sora's brown hair, not his face, but he could imagine his dumb expression. Travelers had offered this to them before, not that they ever ended up going, yet Sora still reacted like it was the first time.

“Hey, who said you could invite him along? We talked about you, not both of you!”

Riku lowered the chisel in his hand and took a deep breath. What had he expected, really. He didn't want to travel with them anyway.

Sora leaned forward. “Whaaat? Why not?”

And Riku's heart stopped. As innocent as a white dove, Sora had driven betrayal through him. It was unbelievable that Sora even cared about whatever reason that guy had. It had always been their dream to one day see the world, the two of them and discover what's out there. He had thought that Sora felt the same. But he would leave him for strangers he had just met and turn his back on him after all.

“Leave it, Sora.”

Fine. Then so would he.

Riku sprung up and left without looking back.

He ignored Sora's calls until the forest swallowed them, and he saw himself proven right when Sora didn't follow after him. It twisted the dagger deeper into old wounds. He had been naive to think that Sora, who sought out new friendships and companions all the time, would settle for him.

His heart drummed in his chest, the only sound here.

He was alone.

Riku stopped walking and sank to the ground. He had run. What should he do now? He gripped his heart and gritted his teeth. He couldn't go back. It hurt. It hurt so much more than he had expected, like it was ripping him apart without a way to stop it. No matter how he clawed at his chest, he could not get out his bleeding heart. Nothing could mend it anymore and he would do anything to get rid of it.

“Now, now, child, surely you don't mean that?”

But he did. If only it were gone, he could breathe again. He didn't want these feelings anymore.

“If you really believed that, I wouldn't be here.”

He startled and looked around. An old, strange woman kneeled in front of him.

“Who are you?” he demanded, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

She wore a blue robe, a big red bow tied the hood together under her chin. Her hands were neatly folded in her lap.

“I am a good fairy, dear. I'm sorry I gave you a scare.”

“You didn't scare me.”

But it sounded weak even to his own ears.

With a flick of her wrist, she procured a tissue from nowhere and handed it to him. He shook his head, and dismayed she put it away.

She looked like a regular old woman, but if she were she shouldn't have been able to surprise him like this. And he knew that fairies should not be trusted, whether they described themselves as good or not, even when his heart stopped droning in his ears.

“Are you of the wish-granting kind?” he asked.

“No, no, my dear. I don't think this is something to be solved with magic. Besides, wishes aren't fulfilled that easily, you should know! You have to make and realize them yourself. But I am here to help.”

“I don't need your help.” He crossed his arms.

“Then surely you wouldn't have called for me. I only appear to those in need.”

“All I need is a way to make _this_ ,” he grabbed his heart, “stop.”

“What will you do without a heart, child?” she asked in concern.

“That is none of your business.”

He stood up on shaky legs, his fists trembling.

“It is a part of you. Giving it up means giving up a part of yourself. Have you asked yourself _why_ you are feeling this way?”

Even if he did, that would change nothing. It wouldn't loosen the choke-hold his emotions had on him. They always got in the way, making a mess of what should be obvious and muddling what should be clear. He turned away from her and started walking deeper into the forest.

“Goodbye, Fairy.”

“Be careful, my child. Here lurks a shadow that will -” was the last he heard before a cold wind picked up and cut off her voice, and when he looked back, she was gone. There were only some flowers softly swaying back and forth left in her wake.

Whatever. He didn't need her. He didn't need Sora. And he didn't need his heart, either. It was too sensitive. So his best friend was trying to abandon him – when it was Riku who had chosen to stay. He could have left, at any point he could have asked his Master to take him with him and never returned.

He forcefully relaxed his shoulders and uncurled his fists.

He didn't deserve to feel this way and _they_ didn't deserve the satisfaction of making him feel this way. This power did not belong to them.

The wind followed after him and surpassed him, opening up the path in front of him. His hair flew into his face and he roughly wiped it away.

But that's what you got for carelessly opening your heart. Holding onto hope beyond the point where death would be its mercy. Maybe one day Sora would care as strongly about him. But why would he? To care about you, there needed to be something to be _loved_.

The trees made way for him, gently ushered to the side by fog. It invited him deeper, where the sky turned grey.

Abandoning was easy. Being abandoned wasn't. But I supposed it was in the nature of things. He was just holding Sora back. You knew that, right? Sora was all he had, but he was dispensable. Only worthless things could be abandoned. Plain, boring Riku? He wasn't needed anymore.

Something cold touched his shoulder. He tried to shake it off.

He was never enough.

_Isn't that right, Riku?_

A hand weighed down on his shoulder. He whirled around.

“Who are you?”

Arisen from the smoke was a shadow of a man. Piercing gold eyes took hold of him.

“You may call me Ansem,” the man spoke, his voice husky.

“I offer you a deal: Give up your heart, rid yourself of the hurt plaguing you, and in exchange I shall give you a new heart made of stone.”

“A stone heart?”

Ansem nodded. “Yes. A stone heart cannot feel. A stone heart cannot hurt. You will be free of the pain.”

Exactly what Riku wanted. He clenched his fists and squashed down the fear in his coward's heart.

“But what are you getting out of this?”

“The fragile courage of man... It is a joy to behold. If you are brave enough to submit to me, then the trade is worth my while.”

He held out a hand to Riku. “Do you dare?”

His heart pounded loudly in his chest but Riku was done listening to its whims.

“You have a deal.”

Ansem bowed, and with him the ground. The forest broke apart, each tree bending backwards until the earth itself swallowed them.

However, Riku didn't have enough time to scream before the ground stabilized beneath his feet and the world righted itself. They now stood in a cave that was so dark, he could barely see Ansem, who looked at him with a quirk to his lips. Farther ahead, a red glow illuminated the only path there was. Ansem gestured for him to follow. With no other choice, Riku did. But whereas his steps echoed loudly, Ansem's were silent.

As they went deeper, it became apparent what caused the red glow. Several crystals jutted out of the ground like spires. Encased within each one rested a faintly throbbing heart. Riku had to avert his eyes from them, his own heartbeat quickening.

They must have passed a dozen of these crystals before the path opened up to a room. It was empty, save for a crooked, rusty light and a stone table in the center. Ansem bid him to lie down.

It was then, at the crux of his decision, that Riku hesitated. He looked upon the pristine table and his soiled heart trembled. He remembered the fairy.

He laid down on the table.

Ansem bared his teeth in a facsimile of a grin and he leaned down so Riku could see the glint in his eyes. He pressed a hand on Riku's chest and plunged him into darkness.

It was an abyss. An empty abyss. Nothing was here except for darkness. And him. He wasn't sure if there was ground beneath him, not even when he rose on shaky legs and surveyed the emptiness. Unconsciously, he put a hand over his still beating heart.

The touch ignited a small spark, bright enough that it blinded him. When he regained sight, it was still cupped in his hands. It didn't hurt, and it was dimmer than the sunset's last farewell. He lifted his hand to inspect it, but it tumbled from his palm. He reached for it, but it just floated in front of him. As though caught by an invisible current, it moved away from him. Without thinking, he chased after it.

It could be a ghost light, but he didn't care. Ghost lights led to misery and damnation, and that was better than this.... loneliness. For maybe the first time he was truly, utterly alone. Even when Sora found new friends, he was still _there_. Here, no one could reach him. Not even Sora.

His sight blurred the spark he aimlessly, desperately trailed after. With a sigh he squeezed his eyes shut and willed the tears away, far away. Unbidden, a memory resurfaced and suddenly, he could smell the forge, feel its sweltering warmth, hear the whistling wind. He blinked a couple times until his vision cleared. Instead of the darkness that should be there, the blacksmith's workshop spread out before him.

And he and Sora were climbing through its window. Riku was already inside, and he was holding out his arms, urging Sora to jump down with the assurance that he would catch him.

He remembered this. Back then, they had first discovered the forge – they were but young children.

Sora jumped and landed in Riku's arms. They fell down with a loud thud, a mess of limbs. Both shushed each other, groaning in pain and giggling with glee. Riku took Sora's hand and pulled him to his feet, and even then he held onto his hand.

Objectively, the workshop wasn't big. But it had seemed huge. Unconquerable. But together, their curiosity trumped their common sense – as it had so many times before.

It was dark outside, and even darker within. Neither of them paid it much mind. They looked around in awe, flicked their fingers against any metal thing they could find because nothing amazed a child like a melodious noise. Sora said something and then he grabbed a stick and a metal pot, which he put on his head, and the pretend-knight swore fealty to his laughing king. Riku tried and failed to stifle his mirth, but he gave his knight a promise and a kiss on his forehead to seal it.

They were stupid kids.

The door to the workshop opened and light spilled in. Sora and Riku looked up, twin shocked looks on their faces, and Riku's heart tried to jump out of his chest. The blacksmith had discovered them. He took a step and – everything stopped.

Riku looked back and forth from his kid self to his Master. Everything stuttered and rumbled, and the building crumbled around the frozen people. The ground beneath his feet broke and Riku fell back into the darkness.

When he came to, the forest surrounded him. Birds had taken up their singing once again, and otherwise there was nothing to indicate that something had disturbed its peace. If it weren't for the dull ache in his chest, Riku would have believed that impression. After all, he was no stranger to nightmares.

He absentmindedly rubbed the spot over his heart. His heart had turned cold while he was unconscious. And though there was a definite weight in his chest now, he felt lighter, somehow. He checked his chest for any blood – but there was nothing there. Not even a scar to show for his choice. On the outside, it was like nothing had happened at all.

However, that was not quite right. As he looked around, trying to get his bearings, something very much amiss struck his attention. It should've shocked him that there was a body next to him, and that it took him so long to notice it. From his position, only a black coat was visible as it was drawn over the head.

The stranger stirred and groaned. The voice sounded eerily familiar, though he couldn't place where he had heard it before. With stiff movements, they pushed themselves on their hands and knees, long silver hair falling to cover their face. Then, suddenly, they whipped around, and before Riku could fully realize what was happening, the stranger was up in his face, two cold hands roughly digging into his shoulders.

“You!” they hissed. _He_ hissed, because that stranger wore his face and used his voice. His eyes were wide like those of a frightened hare, his teeth bared to prove he chose fight over flight. “It's your fault!”

Riku was too caught off-guard to reply – not that he got a chance to, as the other started choking and fell back, his hands clawing at his chest. It only took a few moments for him to stop, and he lay on the ground.

“Why is this happening? Why me? Why _you_?”

“What do you mean?”

Riku figured that was a safe question to ask, and he did want to know what this volatile stranger was talking about. However, in an instant, the other was back on his feet, clenching his fists so hard he trembled.

“What do I mean? You're the reason I exist, idiot! I'm you!”

Riku frowned. “No, I'm me.”

“I'm me, he says.” 'Riku' slumped and covered his face with one hand. Then he started laughing maniacally. The changes started to make Riku dizzy.

“I can't believe I'm stuck with you. Scratch that, I can't believe I exist.”

His laughter morphed into screeching which turned into one prolonged scream, cutting short the birds' song. Then he fell quiet again, and Riku let the silence hang over them for a little bit before he thought it safe to venture another question. Whatever had wrung the other so tightly seemed to have loosened a bit.

“Who are you?”

He only garnered a tired look, not another outburst. “I told you. I'm you.”

“I meant your name.”

'Riku' blinked. “You care about that? That's cute. Call me what I am: a replica of you down to the core.”

If that was the name he wanted, so be it. Riku nodded and stood, the Replica quickly followed suit. Anything else could be dealt with later. The sky clouded over, the sun waned and the light with it. He didn't want to tread in these parts past nightfall now that he knew of the supernatural beings they held. With any luck he would wake up tomorrow and he would be alone again.

Riku stopped in his tracks. “Will you stop it?”

Riku Replica was walking too close, practically glued to his side. Judging by the grin on his face, he did it on purpose. He leaned in and grabbed Riku's collar.

“You made a deal with the devil or whoever and breathed life into something that shouldn't exist. We're bound, so deal with it.”

Riku levelled him with a slight glare, tired of his antics. “Let go of me.”

Riku Replica quirked an eyebrow.

“Do not make me repeat myself.”

He threw his hands up and did as he was told. Before another tirade could begin, Riku sighed and cut him off:

“It's getting dark. Let's just go.”

The last rays of dusk disappeared just as Riku closed the door behind him. Luckily, they had made it home before night truly broke.

His home was rather small. He lived on his own, technically, in a shack put together at the backside of the smithy where he worked. His Master had built it for him when his parents disappeared years ago and he never saw any need to leave. He did not need much space. However, this meant that he could not accommodate a guest who wasn't Sora. Sharing a bed was not unusual for them, not after the many nights they have spent together since early childhood.

“You can have the floor,” he said.

Riku Replica wrinkled his nose and spat, “forget it, I'm not sleeping on the floor.”

So they pragmatically decided that they would share the bed, as neither was willing to take the floor. It was a tight fit and not comfortable in the slightest. Nonetheless, the Replica fell asleep almost instantly, tired after his emotional outbursts. Riku lay with his back against the wall, listening to the slow rise and fall of his breathing, and looked at him curled up, his arms protectively crossed over his chest. The weight in his heart grew heavier and it was a long time before tiredness pulled him under as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Riku realizes some mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's ready for more teen angst? i sure am!  
> thank you everyone for the positive reactions, i was blown away by the interest <3

“That is out of the question.”

The night served to calm both of them, although it was not particularly restful. He looked at the Replica and saw a dream reflected back at him. Did he look like that? Were there dark circles under his eyes, was his hair as wild and unkempt, did he slouch?

Dawn had barely broken when they got out of bed, and the time since then had been filled with quarrels.

“It wasn't a question, Real Thing.”

He clung to that nickname like it was all he had. Riku supposed it was. The black coat lay folded under his bed, instead he wore some of Riku's spare clothes. He had no idea how to explain this to his Master. He himself had little idea why he was here.

“You won't see Sora.”

If he clung to his nickname for Riku, then he all so desperately grasped for Sora. Since waking up, meeting him was the only thing he talked about, his mind set.

“I have to know who to thank for my existence.”

“It's nothing to be grateful for.” Riku knew from experience.

“Neither are you,” Riku Replica spat. “I'll go to him myself.”

Riku crossed his arms and scoffed. “How will you find him?”

With a laugh, Riku Replica bent down and tilted Riku's chin up with his hand. “I'm you, remember? I'll know.”

Even if he stopped him from leaving now, Riku could not stop him forever. If he did know more about Riku and his memories than it seemed, then he also could not be allowed to talk to Sora by himself. This whole ordeal was confusing enough as it was.

“Fine then. Have it your way.” He slapped his hand away and rose. “But you need a new name.”

“'Riku Replica' not to your fancy?”

Riku looked at him blankly and he rolled his eyes.

“Fine. Use Repliku then.”

He tied a travel cloak around Repliku and put on the hood to hide his face and silver hair. Then he opened the door to check if there was anyone around – there wasn't, as usual, but he preferred to make sure. Only then did he allow Repliku to follow after him.

“What's this detour we're taking?” Repliku asked.

“I need my tools,” Riku replied.

With sure steps he marched towards the old birch at the edge of the village. It was the only tree of that kind here, tall and proud, yet strangely curved. Its trunk formed something of a natural bench. Since Sora and he had decreed it as theirs, it had to withstand a lot of their nonsense. Well, it used to be theirs until Sora started bringing outsiders to their spot.  
Yesterday, thanks to his scrambled getaway, he had left his tools there. The bird he had been carving would likely be gone – picked up by someone else – but the tools held little worth for anyone but him.

However, there was no trace of them when Riku and Repliku arrived. Not where he sat yesterday, not by the tree trunk or anywhere between its roots. He searched everywhere and found nothing in the disturbed dirt. He sat back on his feet, still kneeling on the ground, and considered checking the branches. Birds nested there sometimes, one of them could have taken a chisel or something.

Repliku stirred where he stood with crossed arms.

“Not that I don't like seeing you so frantic,” he said, “but don't forget what we're here for.”

Riku glared at him over his shoulder, but got up and dusted off his pants.

“I won't. They're not here, then let's go.”

But if they weren't here, where he had left them, he didn't know where they could be.

For Sora he didn't need to search. He would be up on the small hill overlooking the village, like every morning. Accidental spontaneity lived within his blood, but in this he was much like the sun. They used to spend their mornings together there, watching the sunrise, before going separate ways until after work. Recently though, Riku had trouble sleeping and slept in more – and consequently missed this.

True enough, Sora was exactly where Riku expected. Wrapped in an old blanket to ward off the morning chill, Sora seemed entirely lost in thought. Riku had almost forgotten how Sora looked when he was alone.

As they approached, he let Repliku take the lead. His stone heart remained cold and still even as they got closer. Surely it would start again, though, when they interacted. Sora simply had that effect on him, something he dreaded and looked forward to in equal measure.

“Sora!” Repliku called, slipping off his hood.

Out here, no one else would see him, and still Riku wondered why he exposed himself to Sora.  
Sora visibly jumped upon hearing his name and quickly rose to his feet, heedless of the blanket falling to the ground. He left it there, a bright smile on his face as he hurried over to them.

“Riku! I'm so glad you're here! It's been so long, I was starting to wonder if...”

Did Sora always look like this when he talked to him? His attention was solely focused on Repliku, he hadn't noticed Riku at all. Strangely, it didn't bother him; His breathing remained steady. He glanced over to Repliku, who inspected Sora with narrowed eyes. And did he look like that, when he talked to Sora?

“It's you, huh?” Repliku muttered. He closed his eyes and some of the tension bled from his body.

Sora stopped in his rambling and tilted his head. “Uh, Riku?”

“Not quite,” Repliku grinned. “It's exciting to meet you.”

Sora raised a hand in an unsure wave. “Likewise?” He scratched his neck. “I'm sorry about that, I thought you were someone else.”

“Oh no, you thought correctly.” Repliku’s laugh lacked humour.

“I don't understand?”

“I've got the real thing right here with me.”

Repliku snatched Riku by the collar and dragged him closer. Riku trailed his gaze from Sora's widened brown eyes to his chestnut hair and down a slope of freckles, and felt nothing but the weight of his heart.

“Hello, Sora,” Riku said because it was the polite thing to do.

“G'morning, Riku!” Sora replied, the smile back on his face.

He stepped closer, though Riku neither helped to close the distance nor did he back away.

“It's good to see you! I was worried, after yesterday...”

Still, not worried enough to come check on him then. Not that it mattered now.

“It's fine,” Riku lied. It was not even true to what he felt, for if he looked hard enough, there was a spark of _something_ unpleasant there, hiding at the back of his mind.

“I'm sorry if I upset you, I really didn't mean to.”

“I said it's fine, Sora.”

He sighed and any annoyance left as fleetingly as it came. Even though he was supposed to be empty save for stone now, his chest was too small to hold whatever was left. It pressed against his throat.

“We're here because he wanted to see you.” Riku gestured to Repliku, eager to get the attention off him.

“It's been a pleasure, really,” Repliku said.

Sora ignored him, still looking at Riku. “What about you?” he asked.

Riku pretended not to hear the hope in his voice. He averted his eyes, and his gaze fell to the discarded blanket. His chest constricted and caged the words in his too-full ribcage. Few things normally kept him from wanting to see Sora but now, he had no reason to want to see him at all. There was no desire there, but also no pain, and he couldn't decide what to make of it.

“Riku, what's going on? Who is he?”

“I can hear you,” Repliku said drily.

Sora flushed and his eyes flickered over to Repliku for a moment.

“Since Riku won't introduce me, I'll do it myself. I'm Repliku.”

“I'm Sora,” he replied haltingly, tearing his eyes from Riku. “But you knew that already.”

“Hard not to when you spend any time with Riku.”

Sora turned towards him. “Oh?”

“That's enough,” Riku cut in before Repliku could continue. “We have to go. Work is waiting.”

“So soon? Just when it's getting interesting.” Repliku shifted his weight on one foot and put a hand on his hip.

That was exactly why they needed to go. Riku clenched his fist at his side, carefully keeping it away from his heart. It turned heavy and crushing, the pressure on it. And still his heart was unmoving, and he did not know why. He turned away from them to mask his attempt to suck in a breath. Repliku scoffed and shoved him forward.

“Have it your way.” To Sora, he added: “It was good meeting you, Sora.”

Then he stalked after Riku.

“Wait, but I-” Sora's hand reached for them, but they were gone.

His shoulders slumped and he went back to his blanket. It had gone cold when he wrapped it around his trembling shoulders.

There was still time until he was expected in the workshop so he returned home instead. Repliku stayed quiet right until the door shut behind them.

“I didn't take you for such a coward,” he started conversationally, as though he was talking about something mundane like the weather.

Riku rolled his eyes. The room was too small with both of them there, and he no longer had his tools to keep his hands busy, so he looked out the window, fidgeting.

“You looked pathetic. Come on, you got what you wanted.” Repliku leaned against the window sill. “Don't be so glum.”

With a glare, Riku turned away from him. “What do you know?”

Repliku shrugged. “I know that without _you_ , I wouldn't be here – and I wouldn't need to keep your misery company.”

He walked closer to Riku, who remained rooted on the spot.

“Was it worth it?”

Everything was... clearer now than before. Riku had slept through the night for once. Yet he couldn't deny that there was still something wrong.

Riku sighed and unclenched his fists.

“You're angry,” he observed.

Repliku backed off like a startled predator.

“Of course I'm angry,” he said, bewildered.

“I know the feeling.” Riku looked down at his hand. “It eats you up inside. Until there's nothing left.”

Repliku snorted. “Don't worry, I'm not stupid like you. I won't give up.”

“You think I gave up?”

“What else would you call what you've done. You're a coward and you're still running.”

“You have no idea what you're talking about.”

“I'm _you_ , so-”

“I know!” Riku shouted. “And yet you're not me at all, because then you would know that this was the only thing I could do.”

“Do _what_? Make your bleeding heart someone else's responsibility? Oh no, having emotions hurts so much!”

Riku snarled. Familiar anger boiled in his blood that the stone couldn't cool. He cornered Repliku.  
“Would you rather I chose death?”

“I'd rather you'd spare a fucking apology for making me put up with this!”

“You don't-”

The door slammed open. Riku and Repliku flinched, and Riku whirled around.

A man stood in the door, best described as a boulder. Tall, with strong shoulders and rough features. It was the blacksmith Aeleus, and Riku shrunk on the spot. For a moment the only sound he could hear was Repliku's fluttering heartbeat right behind him as the Master looked over his apprentice. When his gaze landed on the replica next to him, his expression remained unmoving. He simply said, “You are late, Riku. I expect you in the forge, posthaste.”

Riku nodded and didn't lift his eyes from the ground until the Master receded with heavy steps. He took a deep breath and the last of the anger evaporated, leaving nothing behind. When he looked towards Repliku, he was not smirking like Riku had expected.

“What are you looking at?” Repliku asked without bite. “Let's get a move on.”  
Riku agreed.

During the short walk over to the workshop, Riku wondered how much his Master had overheard. Was he in trouble? He didn't talk a lot so Riku never knew what he thought. The Master was even more reclusive with his thoughts than Riku was. They got along well enough like that. There's not much cause to clash if one refuses to clash in the first place.

He stemmed open the heavy door to the workshop, finding it empty, which meant that there would be a list of chores waiting for him. Though the Master left for other work at times, they usually started their work here, together. But everything was changing and Riku was late for the first time, so he would have to start alone.

Inside, a variety of tools lined the walls. Hammers of several sizes, some heavy enough that they could only be wielded with two hands, next to a row of pliers. Further back stood the forge and the anvil. On the other side, away from the hearth, the work desk where sketches and drafts were drawn up. To an outsider, it must look chaotic. To Riku, it was his trusted second home.

With practiced ease, he put up his long hair so it wouldn't get in the way and checked his workplace for the list. Then he cast a look at Repliku, who looked the complete opposite of at home. Out of place. Alone, almost. Only when he noticed Riku's eyes on him did he leave the threshold.

“Where's the boss?” he asked, shuffling over to Riku.

“Out,” Riku replied. He tied a work apron around his waist and pulled on a pair of gloves. “There's a lot to do. Things break all the time.”  
“You don't have to tell me that.”

Riku huffed and got to work.

He worked throughout most of midday and only took a break once the list was done and torn. He hung up his apron, put everything back in its rightful place and fetched some water from the well outside which he used to wipe his face. Once done, he leaned against the cool stonewall outside, his arms and legs aching, and rested.

Repliku didn't stay with him all the time, considering the noise and sweltering heat within the forge, Riku couldn't fault him for that. When he came back, he brought some food with him that he tossed at Riku, who was too tired to question where he got it from and simply accepted it. He had to trust that Repliku got it legitimately. There were still some customers who hadn't paid them, maybe he got it from them.

Repliku joined him and leaned against the wall.

“Finally done?” he asked.

Riku shook his head. “There's one more thing.”

“He really works you to the bone.”

“This isn't for him. It's my own project.”

He kicked a pebble. It felt weird that Repliku would be the first to see it. He hadn't kept it a secret on purpose, not really, and yet that was how it happened. It was supposed to be finished by now, but with his workload being what it was, he only got these brief windows of time to work on it, which stretched it out. The raw build was more or less finished, though.

He led Repliku back into the workshop and headed for his desk. It was smaller than the work desk, tucked away like an afterthought. His Master had said that he could use his own space. There were a few sketches still strewn about that he hadn't catalogued yet, as well as some scrap wood. He rummaged around under the desk and pulled out a bundle of old sheepskin. Unfolding it revealed a blade. He held it out for Repliku to see.

“A sword?”

Repliku reached out to touch it, but Riku pulled it back. He nodded and picked out a pair of pliers, then set to feed the flame and reheat the steel.

This time, Repliku stayed and watched. His eyes followed the rhythmic strikes of the hammer, and sometimes they lingered on Riku's face, but Riku tried not to let it distract him.

“You know,” Repliku started, waiting for another _clang_ before he continued, “I thought you weren't supposed to get angry anymore.”

Riku almost dropped the hammer, heavily resting it against the anvil. He wiped the back of his hand over his forehead and finally looked at the other.

“Where is that coming from?”

Repliku pointed at the white-knuckled grip he had on the hammer. “The way you look, reminds me of our argument earlier.”

Riku lifted the hammer and struck again and then put the sword back in the forge. Once it was hot enough again, he resumed the treatment.

What had overcome him then? Anger had never coursed so freely through his blood. It had felt _right_ , and he could not regret raising his voice. But it was _wrong_ , because he had given it up along with his heart. Anger, fury, rage – it was something ugly. It bursts for just a short moment before it covers one in soot.

Then why had he felt so empty when they went to see Sora? The absence of pain, of anger, revealed no light. The soot covered everything now.

Maybe he shouldn't have given his heart away.

The hammer came down one last time, and the sword broke in two. The shattered parts clattered to the floor and Riku locked eyes with an alarmed Repliku. His attention slipped for just a moment and he brought down the hammer too hard on steel that was too cold, and just like that, all he worked for lay in pieces.

He dropped down on his knees, only dimly aware of Repliku rushing to his side. He stared first at his stained hands, then at the remains of the sword. Finally back at Repliku, who was kneeling next to him, his hands fluttering in the air like he wanted to touch him. Riku blinked, tears pooling in his eyes, and then he muttered, “Fuck.”

Repliku finally settled his hands in his lap, gnawing on his bottom lip. He looked about as lost as Riku felt.

“You can fix this?” he asked carefully.

“There's no fixing this,” Riku replied. The first tear dropped.

“There has to be a way.”

Riku shook his head. “I'd have to do it all again.”

Repliku caught his eye. He leaned forward and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

“Then do it.”

Riku sighed, but Repliku moved something within him and he let himself be pulled to his feet. They carefully stepped around the shards until they got to Riku's desk.

He pulled out the paper he had drafted the sword on and put it out on the table. Making a sketch was the first thing to be done, and the thought that went into it crucial. This one was intended for a short sword, something Riku had never held himself but heard stories of enough. Neither his Master nor he were swordsmiths – he only had experience making knives – so he drew it up as he saw fit. But looking at it now, he wondered if he hadn't broken the sword long before he began forging it.

He knew how to read his Master's drafts but evidently not how to write his own, for mistake after mistake became apparent now. While in the process of making he should have realized this was never going to work. And he had no idea where to begin fixing it.

He gripped the paper and looked over his plan once more, sweat wrinkling the edges. Then he ripped it apart. And again. Until it was nothing more than eye-sized shreds, and those went too, tossed into the hearth. If he could not make this draft better, he had to make a new one.

Riku pulled out a fresh sheet of paper along with some chalk, and then he proceeded to blankly stare at it.

“You're not helping,” he stated at last, turning to Repliku, who had been hovering over his shoulder.

Repliku grinned. “I didn't mean to.”

“Then go make yourself useful.”

Riku let down his hair and massaged his wrist.

“Forget it,” Repliku said. “What are you doing?”

“I'm tired,” Riku replied. “And I can't think of anything.”

“Running again?”

Riku stepped away from his desk and hung up his apron.

“I am picking my battles.”

Repliku bumped their shoulders together. “I'll let you get away with that.”

After Riku locked the workshop for the night – though none of the villagefolk dared, mischievous spirits never cared much about mortal reputation – he and Repliku returned home. It was drizzling. Riku loved the rain, but it didn't make him happy either. He missed... happiness. Neither rain nor carving brought him the sense of calm they used to, and he wondered how one without a heart could be so miserable.

Repliku was miserable a lot, but he very much had a heart. He frowned a lot and spoke with a tongue dipped in snark. He complained about things Riku thought he had no right to complain about, and sometimes he stared at the ground like it had personally wronged him. Even the herbs and flowers Riku grew outside his home hung their heads upon this dreariness. Maybe at least the rain would help.

After washing off the day's stress and filling their stomachs, they settled into the evening, the stars not yet out. Repliku poked around Riku's sparse belongings, ending up at the desk where he kept his art. Meanwhile, Riku sat on the bed and combed his hair.

It seemed though that this took him much too long, because eventually Repliku threw himself on the bed and squabbled with him about the comb.

“Let me do it,” he demanded, trying to swipe it from Riku's hand.

“Wait your turn.”

“I've _been_ waiting.” Another unsuccessful swipe.

“I'm almost done.”

Riku ran the comb through his hair a couple more times and then tossed it at Repliku, who caught it gleefully. But they way he treated his hair hurt to look at; Instead of starting at the tips, he tried to force the comb all the way through his hair.

“You're doing it wrong,” Riku sighed.

“Excuse me for not being perfect at something I'm doing for the first time in my life.”

Riku cringed at the redoubled, aggressive effort Repliku put into it. He grabbed the comb, wrestling with Repliku for a moment. Though he was tired, Riku had more experience play-wrestling and soon seized his prize. Repliku groaned and moaned about it, but he let Riku comb his hair.

By the end of it, Repliku had almost dozed off and when Riku told him to lie down, he did so without a snarky comment. At least there wasn't another argument about sleeping arrangements. Riku put the comb away and joined him.

They once again laid beside each other in the bed not meant for two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are happening! turns out it's never easy, huh?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which hope is grasped and a battle is fought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's another long one!

His Master hadn't returned the next day and his hands still ached from his work, so once he wrapped up shop for the day, Riku headed back to the forest. He had no goal in mind but appeasing his restlessness. Repliku trailed behind him, not quite keeping pace with him.

As he came into the deeper parts of the forest, where the treetops only let sparse sunlight through, he wondered why some emotions still lingered. Perhaps anger and despair were such intrinsic parts of him that they simply could not be removed completely. That, though his heart now lay cold, remnants of them would stay forever. Or maybe it simply took more time for them to bleed out. Then he should hurry up and bleed, instead of being stuck in this limbo where everything felt dull and tar-like.

If he had taken the fairy's help, everything would still burn directly on his skin and his heart would continue to pump poison. Riku would still swim against the current, gasping for air. But perhaps being full of emotions to burst was better than what he was left with now.

Perhaps he should have made a wish.

In a split-second decision – because those worked so well for him – he called out for the good fairy. Though he did not expect her to hear him, or if she did, to heed his call, she nonetheless appeared before him with glimmering magic.

Her face was crinkled in a motherly smile as she looked up at him. Last time, he hadn't noticed how small she was, when he was cowering on the floor because everything was too much. But she looked like he imagined grandmothers should.

“Oh, my child, how glad I am to see you again.”

“I don't know why you would be,” Riku answered. “I wasn't exactly nice to you.”

“You were hurting, child. I knew not to take it personally.”

“Then you know better than me.” He sighed.

“I am much older than you as well,” she chuckled. “Some things come with experience.”

She took one of his hands in both of hers, and they were warm and comforting.

“Now tell me, why have you called for me?”

Riku's gaze fell to their joined hands, and he put his other hand over his stone heart. He thought back to what she said during their first encounter – that you have to work to realize your wish yourself.

“I want to make a wish.”

“That's wonderful, dear. What wish are you thinking of?”

“I'm not sure. I... haven't thought that far.”

She squeezed his hand. “That is quite alright. You will find your greatest wish.”

“But how will I know? I wished for my heart to stop, but I see now that it was a terrible one.”

“Trust me, you will. A true wish will always shine through the darkness.”

She patted his hand once and let it go. Then she brandished a thin, white stick – a wand completely bathed in magic. The tip lit up in a concentrated ball of stars as she waved it around and tapped it against his palm.

“What's this?” he asked, eyeing it curiously.

There, resting on his palm, was the small wooden bird he thought he had lost. But oh! It carried the undeniable touch of love now. Its edges were softer.

“Remember to be kind,” the fairy told him, “to yourself most of all. If you come to terms with yourself, allow yourself to feel fully and wholeheartedly, then answer will come to you.”

Then she disappeared in a puff of glittering smoke, and Riku closed his hand around the bird. Warmth lingered there in the smooth wood. He was alone and yet -

He was alone?

Repliku wasn't with him anymore. Riku looked around but could not find him, but also could not recall when he had left as he was fairly certain that Repliku had been behind him the whole time. His stomach turned and he hurried back the way he came.

He found Repliku when he finally broke free of the thicket and ended up in a clearing.

Repliku was on the ground, one arm raised as though to push _something_ away from him, looking like he had frantically backed away from somebody. Even from his position a couple steps away, Riku could see the quick rise and fall of his chest.

“Repliku?”

His head snapped to him, his eyes opened wide and unfocused, and he did not move even as Riku approached him.

Riku slowly lowered himself next to him. He felt as though he was the one with a hummingbird's heartbeat in his chest and not Repliku. He called his name again. But when that did not help, Riku grabbed his hands. Repliku sucked in a breath and blinked rapidly.

“Ri-ku?”

“I'm here,” Riku said, and that seemed to help.

Slowly, Repliku calmed down after that. Riku waited patiently, he did not want to risk triggering another reaction by asking what had happened right away. So all he did was breathe louder than usual so that Repliku could match his rhythm. Eventually, Repliku squeezed his hands and let go, pushing his hair out of his face. Riku sat back on his heels, thinking of how he could distract him. Distractions worked for him, usually, after bad episodes. All he could think of though, was his conversation with the fairy, the wooden bird safe in his pocket. It would have to do.

He offered it to Repliku.

“What's this?” he asked, and Riku almost smiled at that.

“It's for you.”

Repliku accepted it and carefully held it in his palm.

“A promise. To do better,” Riku said, scratching his cheek.

Repliku smiled, a bit shakily, and a weight fell from Riku's heart.

They went home together, the sun bidding them adieu.

It was their third night together already. Repliku had thoroughly claimed his space in Riku's shack, a fact that surprisingly didn't bother Riku too much. Compared to the other night, both of them were not yet tired. Repliku bounced back from his episode remarkably quickly, and he was sitting on a chair fidgeting with the bird while Riku combed his hair so he could braid it.

Once he secured the braid and Repliku still hadn't settled, he asked:

“What's on your mind?”

Repliku flinched and stuffed the bird into his pocket.

“You're not subtle,” Riku added.

Repliku rolled his eyes, took out the bird again and put it on Riku's desk.

“I know, I know, you read me so well.”

In truth, Riku struggled with it. Repliku may wear his face but that did not mean Riku could read it. Though it helped that Repliku was open with his emotions in a way that Riku had forgotten.

Riku tossed him the comb and sat down on the chair. Repliku stood behind him, fiddling with the comb. For a long time they remained silent until Repliku started combing Riku's hair and when he was done with that, he leaned with his back against the chair.

“Why did you do it?” he asked. “Giving up your heart, I mean.”

“I thought you knew.”

Repliku shrugged. “Tell me anyway.”

Riku breathed out slowly.

“It hurt too much. I couldn't think and I couldn't breathe, I felt like I would die. I was offered a way out, and I thought I could leave all the pain behind me that way.” He clutched his heart. “But I was wrong.”

“Would you do it again?” Repliku asked quietly.

“I don't know. Maybe. This is still better than how it was before.”

“In what way?”

“It got me to act. And you're here.”

Repliku's breath hitched and he slid down until he sat on the ground. But he didn't move away or cuss at him.

“That I am,” he said.

And when they finally went to sleep, Repliku lay facing him.

Even after sleeping on it, Riku was not closer to figuring out what his greatest wish would be. The fairy said he would need to come to terms with himself and then he would find it, whatever that meant. Riku had accepted his lot in life, starting from when his parents left in a night of glory.

Almost naturally, his thoughts strayed to Sora, as they so often did. Even in recent times, where Riku had grown to spurn instead of yearn, his best friend was often on his mind. He held on tightly to them but perhaps coming to terms with himself meant that he would need to let them go. His thoughts had changed quite a bit, though he didn't know why. Sometimes, when his heart had been particularly petty, Riku almost didn't recognize himself. Riku had been weird all his life, but never about Sora.

Over the years, the relationship between Sora and him had changed as well. Being with him used to be the easiest thing in the world. Together all the time, Riku couldn't imagine that anything could come between their trusted togetherness. But Sora grew up and Riku remained in his shade, so whereas Sora searched for new friends, Riku stayed rooted. He grew to spurn the people getting too close to Sora – suddenly, his place next to him wasn't as secure as he had thought. He needed to be the sun Sora followed, not the moon damned to be the one who followed.

At the same time, being around Sora became weird in another way. Riku's ribcage fluttered when Sora took his hand as he had done a thousand times before, and his face grew warm when Sora smiled at him. Riku thrived on competition but between the teasing and the taunts, what he competed for was Sora's admiration. He wanted to give Sora the world and when he found he couldn't, he tried to make this space into one just for them.

Yet he did not understand what had brought on this change. They were friends like always, then, from one day to the next, he noticed how his stomach turned when he thought of him. He had never felt this... this strongly before. He may not understand it, but he recognized that whatever he was missing now, however these positive feelings could be labeled, they were important. Figuring them out was perhaps what the fairy had meant.

Thoughts like these occupied his mind in the next days. A sense of normalcy returned, if you wanted to call it that when Riku took care to avoid his best friend. The few times he did see him around, Riku swiftly searched for an exit, and though Repliku teased him relentlessly for it, he never called out to Sora. Riku repaid him by teaching him his crafts. They forged wood carving tools together and then sat under the watchful eye of Repliku's bird and carved their feelings into scrap. Riku had to patch up Repliku's hands more than once, where Repliku argued he intended to stain the wood red. Riku told him there were better ways to do that.

Mostly, he stayed in the forge to work with his Master, who had returned from his trip. Working together was usually quiet, but Repliku became quite bored of the monotonous work. He started asking the Master questions instead. They weren't about the craft, most of the time. The Master answered curtly to all but one certain type of question. For they found out that he liked talking at length about his apprentice. And that alone made Riku more embarrassed than trying to explain where Repliku had come from in the first place.

So it came that he couldn't escape Sora forever.

It was around noon, and Riku had been hard at work for a while. Repliku helped him here and there but mostly stuck to making fun of him and complaining.

A knock on the open door drew their attention, and Sora stuck his head into the forge. Riku almost dropped the hammer he was holding.

“Good morning!” Sora said cheerfully, stepping inside. “Ready for a break?”

Repliku dramatically let himself fall on Riku's chair. “It's about time.”

Meanwhile, Riku had readjusted his grip on the hammer and carefully put it away before he faced Sora, who was carrying a wicker basket. A blanket covered its content. He gently swung it back and forth and swayed to a happy tune he was humming. Some flour dusted his cheeks still, and he wore a baker's apron over a sleeveless shirt.

Sora caught his eye and his smile turned a bit smaller, though no less happy.

“Hi, Riku,” he said bashfully.

Riku nodded at him and then quickly averted his eyes, busying himself with straightening out some things. Repliku got up and dragged himself over to Sora like _he_ had spent hours working. The only thing he worked properly was his mouth.

“What have you got there?” he asked Sora.

Sora leaned closer conspiratorially and lifted the blanket just a bit so Repliku could peek in. “A lunchtime treat!” He laughed. “Riku's not all that good about taking breaks and eating on time, so I thought I'd pop in!”

Sora was one to talk. That busy bee would forget to sleep if his body didn't force him to. In a way, Sora was even worse than him, seeing as he was apprenticed to a baker, constantly surrounded by food. But he'd rather sneak pastries to the other kids than think to feed himself.

“Also...” Sora continued, rubbing his neck. “I missed eating together.”

“There's the ulterior motive,” Repliku teased.

Sora chuckled. “You got me!”

Riku watched Sora set out the blanket on the usual spot, mindlessly wiping down the anvil. He watched Repliku sit down as Sora put out the food, and when they expectantly turned to him he looked around the room for an escape.

“You coming?” Repliku asked.

“Go ahead and start without me,” Riku said slowly. “I still need to clean this up.”

“You really don't.”

Riku glared at him and demonstratively walked away to fiddle with something else. Repliku sighed.

“Just hurry up.”

He folded the rag and put it away, then did a round to inspect inventory. He knew it was cowardly although he had promised to do better. From aside, he watched Sora and Repliku together, talking like they were already friends. And he realized he felt like an outsider, looking in on what his life used to be like – what it should be like. He couldn't break that, too, so he stayed away from them as far as the walls of the forge allowed him to. He couldn't join them in good conscience.

He wasn't angry, either. The rib-breaking, seething negativity was suspiciously absent. Instead, his mind strayed to the past again. When it was a simpler time and he sat together with Sora, sharing smiles. Going back to that now was too easy. Too undeserved when he was the one who destroyed them in the first place. The empty page on his work desk looked at him reproachfully and he turned his back on that, too.

Several times Repliku and Sora tried to get him to join, without success. He found more excuses and neither were willed to force the issue. However, Sora left him some food before he reluctantly set off again.

Riku almost believed he could get through this unchallenged. As he picked at the food, though, Repliku confronted him.

“Why did you do that?” he spat, his arms crossed.

“This isn't how it's supposed to be,” Riku answered. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. He couldn't even accept a reconciliation offer – because that was what it had to have been – and he had no defense for himself. Except that maybe Repliku ought to take up Riku's life, since he knew so much better.

“Of course.” Repliku snorted. “What else did I expect.”

“What do you mean?”

Repliku stabbed Riku's chest with a finger. “This! You promised to do better.”

“And I will.” He had to.

“Doesn't look like it.”

Riku pushed his hand away. “I didn't run. I stayed.”

That was more than he had been able to do before. And staying had been hard beyond keeping his distance.

“And you think that's enough?”

“No. I want you to understand that this _is_ doing better.”

“That's a low bar,” Repliku scoffed.

“So it may be! But I don't know what you expect.”

He stepped closer to the teeth-baring Repliku, heedless of the danger. “Why are you so angry all the time?”

Taken aback, Repliku groped for words. Riku clenched his fists and took a deep breath. He didn't get it. One moment they got along, the next Repliku exploded! Just because Riku didn't act how he wanted him to. Repliku was acting completely unreasonably. He was acting like... like himself. He took a step back.

How often had he pushed Sora away without reason? How often had he snapped at him, and how often had Sora been desperate to understand why.

This was Repliku. They were one. Neither of them would back down now. Riku swallowed around his own anger, which was only somewhat stifled by his realization. It lay heavy in his throat, tendrils reaching throughout his whole body. He was ready to burn it down. No matter how ugly it got.

He pushed past Repliku and stomped out of the forge with heavy steps. There was a little field behind it that was perfect for what he had in mind. Predictably, Repliku followed after him.

“Where do you think you're going?” he roared.

In the middle of the field Riku spun around and faced him. He threw a wooden sword at him that he grabbed on the way out and held his own aloft, beckoning Repliku with his other hand.

He didn't get to say anything, as the moment Repliku caught the sword he charged. Truly, they were the same.

Riku followed the push of Repliku's tide. Sword fighting was described as a form of dance by some, but neither of them cared for the proper steps. They traded blows that made their swords creak in exhaustion, but neither could overpower the other.

There was not much use trying to read his moves. Riku knew how he himself fought, but Repliku was a mess without rhyme or reason, and did not care for etiquette at all. Were these real swords, Repliku would have long been dead. Also, he was much too close. Riku could feel each angry exhale on his face. And so he countered with a sweeping wave, trying to get some space.

Repliku didn't let him. He grabbed Riku's sword by the blade and ripped it from his hand. A couple steps away it struck the ground with such force that it left a dent. He locked a leg behind Riku's knees and roughly pushed at his shoulder so Riku landed on his back. In the short moment that the wind was knocked out of him, Repliku straddled his hips and supported himself with a hand on either side of Riku's head. Riku struggled weakly against him to prove he still had a semblance of a fight in him but surrendered. With a smirk, Repliku straightened and looked down at him. But the battle had left an effect on him as well, and he was breathing heavily, more than one scratch adorning his body.

It felt like his heart skipped a beat just then.

“I won!” Repliku gloated.

“So you did. Losing was worth it for this,” Riku replied drily.

“It better be! Face it, Real Thing, I'm unstoppable.”

Riku's answering smile was lopsided. “I'm glad I let you win now.”

Repliku squawked. “ _Let_ me win?”

Riku flipped them over and grabbed Repliku's wrists to stop him from moving.

“Exactly.”

He couldn't help it. The offended expression Repliku wore drew a startled laugh out of him, and it only got worse when Repliku's face turned red.

“You bastard!”

Taking advantage of his weakened defenses, Repliku turned them around again and they wrestled for the spot on top. After their emotional bout, playing around like this shook out the last of the adrenaline in Riku's body. Something inside him unwound and the tension so deeply set in his bones lifted. Eventually, he lay sprawled on the ground as Repliku celebrated his second victory.

Riku liked seeing him happy.

Though his body ached, he pushed himself to his feet. Some bruises already bloomed on his arms and legs, his comfort was that Repliku looked much the same. But he was satisfied. Finally his head was cleared, all the thoughts that scrambled his mind quiet for once. A little physical pain was nothing compared to that.

They collected the discarded swords and went back inside. After putting them away, Riku turned his attention to his plans. The blank page was not as intimidating anymore and when he grabbed the chalk, thoughtfully turning it between his fingers, a flash of inspiration urged him to draw. He quickly brought it to paper, messy scribbles almost illegible. When it was done he took a step back and cracked his neck, having unconsciously hunched over the desk, looked upon his work, and decided to deal with it tomorrow.

He dusted his hands and hung up his work apron; He wouldn't get anything more done today. Sora's food still sat innocently where he had left it, so he sat down with Repliku and ate. Repliku stole some bites here and there.

“Are you feeling better?” Riku asked.

Repliku nudged him with his foot. “You're not supposed to say that to someone who was angry. But... yeah, I guess I am.”

Riku nodded to himself.  
“Thought so.”

“How are _you_ feeling?”

“Me?” Riku looked up at him. “What would I be feeling?”

Repliku huffed. “You smiled. _Laughed_. That's a pretty big thing.”

Oh. For a blissful moment he had... almost forgotten. Riku put a hand over his heart that still lay cool. When he felt no heartbeat, he said:  
“Maybe, because you're here, my heart isn't completely gone.”

By now, it was clear that the procedure hadn't worked as intended. Aside from that first night his emotions weren't _gone_. He still had them, faint versions of them, definitely not as strong as they used to be but still there. And they were growing stronger.

He looked at Repliku. Breathing, grinning, alive Repliku. Stealing more of Riku's favourite pastry.

He was the only anomaly he could determine for certain. Ansem had said nothing of him.

“Then, do you think it's possible for you to get your heart back?”

“Perhaps... I wouldn't rule it out.”

Did he want it back, though? His life now was strange, yes, but it was less painful. The regret he currently felt could not be compared to the crushing bad. Now that he could look back, he wasn't sure if he could handle it again.

Master Aeleus came home then.

His imposing figure cast a shadow over both of them. In a hurry, they scrambled to their feet but it was too late to get rid of any evidence of their laziness. He hadn't cleaned away his drafts, either. They were still strewn about in perfect chaos, the list of his actual tasks buried somewhere underneath.

The Master looked around his messy forge and then down at his apprentice. Riku hung his head and slapped Repliku's hip to get him to do the same. His Master did not anger easily but he could not stand disarray or tardiness. Riku steeled himself for sharp reprimands.

Instead, his Master put a heavy hand on his shoulder and gruffly said, “Go home, Riku.”

“Master, I-”

“You are excused, Riku, and take your friend with you. I expect you back tomorrow, like always.”

Riku bowed gratefully and together, he and Repliku took the escape offered to them.

Once home, Riku shrugged out of his shirt and pants to inspect what injuries he had received. The swords were dull, of course, but he still found the odd scratch from Repliku's nails. Mostly, he was just dirty, looking like a flower bouquet with the bruises growing underneath his skin.

He grabbed Repliku by the collar when he wanted to let himself fall on the bed without at least changing out of his clothes first.

“I'm tired,” he moaned.

“Aren't we all?” Riku retorted. “But I don't want to sleep in your filth.”

“You're not exactly still looking pretty yourself.”

Riku let go, leaving Repliku to try and catch himself on the bedpost, and covered his mouth with a hand, his nails digging into his skin.

“You think I'm pretty?” he asked, a tremble in his voice.

They locked eyes and Riku could see the gears turning in Repliku's head. Once they clicked, Repliku's face scrunched up into disdain.

“I didn't say that,” he claimed and he pushed past Riku, his shoulders hunched up to his ears. Then he loudly announced that he was going to get ready for bed now. Riku shook his head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Riku confesses something and Sora accepts it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this chapter is a bit shorter than the first three. that's because this and the next one were originally a biiiiger one (a bit longer than ch3!), so i decided to split them.  
> i really enjoy reading everyone's thoughts on how things develop and what may happen ;; it's so fun!! thank you!!

The next day again Sora turned up on the forge's doorstep, although Riku had ignored him almost completely. He still looked cheerful, and he yet again carried the wicker basket with him. That's how Sora was – hopeful to a fault.

Riku went out to meet him, leaving Repliku behind to begin their work. Sora waved when he spotted him, hurrying the last of the way to meet him.

“Riku!”

“Sora,” he replied hesitantly. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you think? I brought you food!”

He emphasized this by lifting the basket.

“You're supposed to be at work.”

Sora rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Actually, I'm on my way back from delivering orders.”

“And I'm last, of course.”

“Hey now! That's not how it is.” Sora pouted.

Riku shook his head and put a hand on his hip. “I'm kidding.”

“Good! I didn't sneak these out for nothing, you know.”

Riku sighed and his gaze brushed the ground. Pretending there was not a cleft between them, that was wrong, too. He couldn't do it. “You can stop pretending now.”

Neither should Sora be expected to. He should stop coming here and let Riku fade away.

Sora cocked his head. “Pretend... what?”

“That you still care.”

“Huh? But... I do care. Why wouldn't I?”

“Go back to your new friends, Sora. You don't need me anymore.”

Sora stood stock still. “New... friends...? Need you...? Riku, what are you talking about?”

“Don't play dumb.” Riku had seen it play out again and again. “You only pay attention to me when we're alone. The moment your new friends are there, you drop me.”

“I don't do that! Do I...?” The waning smile dropped from Sora's face.

“Where are they now, those two travelers?”

“Donald and Goofy?”

Riku shrugged and dug his nails into his arms, his skin burning. “The ones I was second choice to.”

Sora shook himself and stepped forward, his gesture tense and pleading – Riku turned away.

“C'mon, you know that's not true!”

“You picked them over me. The moment you wanted to know a reason to leave me behind instead of refusing.”  
“That's not how it went at all!”

Riku forcibly relaxed his fingers and stroked over the crescent marks left in his skin. He looked at Sora again. He remembered how terrible anger had felt whenever he used it against Sora, and he remembered how good it felt when he used it against Repliku. Giddily, anger awaited his decision now. _Liar!_ it whispered in his blood and he didn't know if it meant him or Sora.

“ _How_ then?” he asked bitterly.

“I was taken aback! Obviously either we'd both go or I'd stay, so when Donald said you couldn't come, it surprised me.” Sora clenched his fists so hard he trembled. “And just so you know, they left.”

“Why did you let them go!?” Riku exclaimed. “Wasn't leaving your dream?”

“It was _our_ dream! I won't leave you behind! Never!”

Riku's breath hitched. He took an involuntary step back. Sora sniffed and tears rolled down his cheeks. He let them fall freely.

“Why do you never talk to me?”

“Why do you never _notice_ these things?” Riku countered, his voice quivering.

“Because I'm stupid, and oblivious. And I'm sorry! You've always been there. My whole life! I never realized you could ever not be with me.” He clutched his heart, another sob shaking his body. “But it hurts. Suddenly it feels like I lost you and I didn't even know why. Were you hurting like this?”

He was stupid. That's what he was. Stupid and overreactive and no more mature than he had been as a child. Ice-cold clarity swept over him.

“It hurt so much I gave up,” he muttered, hesitantly stepping forward. “I gave up my heart.”

“You should have talked to me.”

Riku nodded, and though he wanted to avert his gaze, he bore the weight. “I should have. And... I'm sorry that I put you through that pain, too.”

He opened his arms, just slightly, and Sora had no qualms about accepting the offer of reconciliation.

“I don't want to lose you,” he sobbed.

Riku held him tight, Sora's heartbeat resounding through his own. “I don't want to lose you, either.”

“You scared me.”

“I'll do better,” he vowed.

Sora squeezed him. “I'll do better, too. But please... please talk to me.”

“I will. I'm sorry.”

They stood there for a while, basking in the simple togetherness. To Riku, it seemed more like a dream, so he put his head on Sora's and held him like he was the world, hoping that he wouldn't wake up. Sora clutched at his back in a way that hurt.

Riku let him.

“Wow, where's my hug?”

Riku flinched and almost reflexively pushed Sora away, dream be damned. Repliku leaned against the door frame, smirking at them.

“How long have you been there?”

“The whole time.” Repliku jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “You left me there, remember?”

Riku froze. “Go back inside,” he told Repliku.

“Are you two coming?”

Sora wiped his eyes and gently extracted himself from Riku's hold, a giggle spilling from his lips. He shook his head.

“I really should be off. I actually just came to give you the food but.... I'm glad that it turned out differently.”

He picked up the basket and handed it to Riku, still holding onto it when he asked: “But I'll see you later?”

Riku nodded. “You will.”

Finally, Sora smiled again. He let go and took a couple steps back, waving to both of them. “Bye Riku! Bye Repliku!”  
And then he was off.

And Riku had to rearrange his world.

Riku only turned when Sora was out of sight and the first rays of sunlight had broken through the cloud blanket above. He couldn't believe Sora still wanted him. And yet it became so obvious that he should have expected nothing else. This was _Sora_ , and as he has been Riku's best friend for about 16 years, so has Riku been his best friend. Friendship was what Sora valued higher than anything else. Perhaps Riku was included in that.

Repliku stood straight now, holding out his arms expectantly.

“Waiting on that hug.”

Riku huffed. “I'm not much of a hugger.”

“Didn't look like that to me,” Repliku teased.

“It's... different with Sora.”

Repliku shrugged and crossed his arms.

“What's going on between the two of you, anyway?”

“I'm not sure. Things changed and now...” He shook his head and went to lean against the stone wall. “I thought maybe you'd know more about that.”

“Because I'm you.”

“Basically.”

Repliku sighed and dug his nails into his skin. His gaze was fixed on the sky.

“It's true that I had your emotional breakdown – thanks for that, by the way – but... I don't know the context for everything. And your memories are fading; I can barely recall them anymore.”

“No use, huh.”

Repliku sat down next to him, resting his chin on his knees. “Why don't you get your heart back?”

“Because it's in the clutches of some demon.”

“No, what's the _real_ reason you're not trying to get it back?”

Riku looked down at his hands. “I guess I'm just... worried. If I get it back, will it be just like before? Will the old pain return and I'm back where I started?”

Would his growth mean nothing? Had his stone heart grown onto him already?

He joined Repliku on the ground, their shoulders pressed together.

“That's stupid.” Repliku snorted. “You're obviously not where you started. You're talking to me about your fucking feelings.”

Riku smiled wryly. “True that. But you've grown, too.”

A blush crawled its way up to Repliku's ears. “Nuh-uh, don't try to turn this on me. Anyway, if you're so worried about that, let's get you a new heart.”

Taken aback, one of Riku's eyebrows shot up and he leaned forward in an attempt to catch Repliku's eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Your old heart caused you pain. So get a new one.”

“Any idea how to do that?”

Repliku hesitated and unfurled his legs, humming in thought.

“You just got a heart, shouldn't you know this?” Riku pointed out.

“Ugh, shut up,” Repliku groaned. “Maybe Sora could help.”

Now Riku hummed. “Sora, huh...”

Repliku had clearly just thrown the name out to say something, but the fairy had told him something to this effect, too. What he felt for Sora was the catalyst for all this. If he was to truly come to terms with himself, he would need to find out why. That in turn could help him regain what he gave up. But it was like there was something in his mind blocking him from figuring it out. Still, he owed it to Sora, to _himself,_ to get his heart back.

“After our fight, I felt something.” The skip of a heartbeat. “It reminded me of how Sora made me feel sometimes.”

That was his only concrete lead right now, a moment he could pinpoint.  
“Then let's start there,” Repliku said.

If Sora was the key then he could provide more clues and maybe, finally, bring some sense into this. Where words failed Riku, maybe actions would help. Simply spending time with Sora wasn't a grand plan, but it was nonetheless the one they agreed upon.

Not much later, the Master arrived at the forge and work began. Spring was the season of renewal, and there was a lot more to do than at other times of the year. Riku had intended to get a head-start – especially because he had to work off some remaining tasks from the day before. However, thanks to his confrontation with Sora, he didn't get to. Riku sighed and prepared for a long day ahead. Master Aeleus never made him stay past the end of the work day, but he didn't make him go home, either. Riku was old enough to know his limits, he said.

Well, Riku was about to prove him wrong.

In the afternoon, after saying goodbye to Aeleus and receiving his commendations for work well-done, Riku turned to his haphazardly scribbled notes. He spent most of the afternoon and until well in the evening deciphering them and drawing up a clean sketch. He wanted to get it perfect this time. The first time, he approached this the wrong way. A sword seemed such a foreign thing. But what was a sword, if not a long knife? Riku could draw on past experiences with forging knives, from common kitchen knives to more extravagant hunting knives. He just needed to trust his experience.

Once the sketch was done and Repliku had the chance to make any snide remarks he wanted, Riku sent him home to sleep, saying he would only stay a little longer to clean up before he locked the forge. After a bit of a tussle, because Repliku did not want to leave him there alone, he relented.

"But!" he said with a finger pointed threateningly at Riku, "I will not sleep until you're home, too."

Riku agreed, knowing this was a threat Repliku couldn't hold.

Once his friend was out of sight, Riku carefully closed the workshop's door. He tied his work apron around his waist and put up his hair again. After cracking his fingers, he got to work.

Riku forged throughout the night. His blood pounded to the rhythm of the hammer hitting steel, his muscles strained harder than a novice drawing a bow. The moon joined him as a companion among its Ring of stars when everyone else was asleep. Riku greeted it in a sparse moment where his concentration broke and he let up on the steel while he regained his focus.

Dawn found him sitting on the ground, breathing heavily, and it found the raw build of a sword resting by his side. The steel was still warm to the touch when he finally picked himself up and stumbled towards his desk. He reverently fell to his knees, the sword held in both hands like an offering, and placed it where he had kept the old sword. He took the old sheepskin and pinned it up to hide the new blade from the sun's curious glances. With great difficulty he rose once more and returned home.

Only a few minutes after he crashed into the bed, a delirious smile on his face, Repliku woke up. Riku heard his voice, though he couldn't understand a word he said. Then the bed dipped as Repliku got up, and the warm blanket was settled around Riku's shoulders.

He slept for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 more chapters to go!! that means we cracked the halfway checkmark!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which a friendship is rebuilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5!! moving ever closer towards the end

In the following days, Riku and Sora fumbled their way through a new beginning to their relationship.

For the most part, they only saw each other when Sora brought them lunch. He didn't always stay, but when he did, Riku sat with him and Repliku to eat together. Sometimes his Master was there, and then lunch was a quiet affair.

It was familiar yet so foreign, falling back into the relationship with Sora. A bit like before, when they only had each other. A lot like they were reconnecting and relearning what the other was like. Sora looked smaller now. Or maybe Riku just looked at him with different eyes.

Sora was silly. More than once he accidentally slapped one of them (or himself) or knocked something over when he got caught up gesturing. He laughed loudly and he wasn't shy about it. Tears leaking from his eyes, he teased them right back, delighting in whatever offended reaction he got. Anytime he caught Riku's eye, though, his smile softened, and his eyes crinkled. The sun itself came down to kiss his face and Riku had to avert his gaze lest he want to do it himself. But as much as he joked around, there were also bags under his eyes, and he nodded off more than Riku remembered.

Still, being around him was neither painful nor exhilarating, and Riku was relieved that his emotions no longer acted out like a pendulum. Their time together started out awkward, full of hesitation and carefulness, but Repliku cared about neither of those things and if it weren't for him, Riku would probably be unable to stand it.

Repliku fit almost naturally into their dynamic. He brazenly claimed his space and the attention he was due – and he was due a lot, apparently. Repeatedly, he pulled Riku's focus away from Sora. Riku almost admired it. He was never able to make that claim and be so open with what he wanted.

Eventually, Riku invited Sora over. Just spending time together was nice, but it yielded close to no results. His shack used to be one of their hiding spots and they spent many nights together there. Sora was so ecstatic that he requested a day off from work. As a baker's apprentice, Sora sometimes worked weekend shifts.

“This place is different,” Sora remarked when he stopped in, looking around with big eyes.

“You think so?” Riku asked. It didn't seem that different to him.

Sora nodded and grinned. “You can tell Rep lives here.”

Repliku crossed his arms, scowling. “Now what's that supposed to mean?”

“It's livelier! Warmer, too.”

“Oh...” His angry front broke and he scratched his cheek. “It _is_ summer...” he mumbled.

Sora laughed, happy to let him get away with that. “That's true, too!”

His eyes drifted to Riku's desk, which was starting to overflow with art. Cooing, he went to take a closer look. Out of the myriad of scrap art, he picked out a sad-looking cat.

“Did you make these, Riku?”

“Some of them. Repliku made the one you are holding, though.”

“It's so... cute!” Turning the figurine over in his hand, Sora looked at it from all sides.

Repliku trotted over to him and snatched it from his hand, where Sora raised his hands in a placating gesture, and carefully placed it back with the others. He steered Sora away from the desk.

“We're not here for art. We're here for business.”

Sora giggled. “Business? I thought we were just spending time together.”

With a shake of his head, Repliku said: “That's not how getting a heart works.”

Sora's face slackened and he turned towards Riku. “So when you said that you gave up your heart...”

“I meant that literally.”

“Oh. I thought – I thought that was just you being strangely figurative again.”

That certainly explained why Sora hadn't brought it up before.

“No, I was serious.”

“Oh, wow, that was stupid of me then.”

Riku frowned. That was another thing Sora started doing. “You're not stupid. Stop saying that.”

Sora grimaced, struggling to hold back from objecting. Repliku saved him by snorting and elbowing Riku.

“If anyone's being stupid, it's Riku.”

“Now that's uncalled for.”

Before they could descend into bickering, Sora put a hand to his chin and asked:

“So, uhm... what's the plan, then?”

“Seeking out strong emotions,” Riku quickly replied before Repliku could open his mouth.

Sora looked around the room. “And what do you need me for?”

“You're my best friend,” Riku deadpanned.

For some reason, that made Sora blush and stand to attention. “O-of course! I am! That!”

Disregarding the strange reaction, Riku continued his explanation.

“I traded my emotions away but some are still there, albeit very faint. Imagine trying to see through fog: You can barely make out things in the distance, right? That's basically how it is. In theory, if I keep triggering them, they will grow stronger and form a new heart.”

This theory wasn't quite what they had decided on, yet Riku couldn't bring himself to confess that in truth, he wanted to figure out what it was that he felt for Sora. He should have a clear answer before he bothered him with them.

“Haven't had much luck so far, though,” Repliku added with a side-glance to Riku.

Sora opened his mouth in a soundless round 'oh' and relaxed again. He gently swayed from side to side as his eyes strayed in thought.

“I get it!” he said then, his gaze coming back to Riku. “So, how can I help?”

“Just... do what you normally do.”

“That's easy! Hmm, but why don't we visit some places we used to go to? You're always here, right? I don't know what difference lil' old me would make.”

He hated to admit it, but that was a good point. For all his words about action, he had stayed on well-trodden ground. Maybe Sora alone wasn't enough to trigger something if he was too stuck in past ways.

“You just don't want to be inside,” he muttered. Louder, he said, “I suppose a change of scenery could help.”

It was a nice enough day outside. The breeze carried the gentle scent of blooming flowers as crocuses and snowdrops broke their way through the dirt. The perpetual chill was slowly giving way to truly welcome the new season, and were Sora's mother here, she would chide him for wanting to spend the day inside. He should visit her sometime, Riku thought, and then quickly banished the idea from his mind. She considered him a son of her own and would be very mad when he showed himself after so long.

Their first destination was picked by Sora. He led them through the village centre, weaving through the noon bustle. As bustling as a small village like theirs got, anyway. There were too many people for Riku's taste, too many people who've known him for too long, and he was happy to urge Sora along and hide in the midst of his friends. Even still, sometimes he was greeted along with Sora and, surprisingly, Repliku. Repliku shrugged and rather non-chalantly said that he was sick of being mistaken for him, and had made quite clear that he and Riku were two distinct people.

As they left the centre behind, Riku realized that they were headed for the small hill where Sora and Repliku had first met – and where Sora and Riku had spent nights stargazing, a small lantern shared between them.

"Is the lantern still there, do you think?" he found himself asking absentmindedly.

"Oh!" Sora clapped his hands. "I think so! Could probably use an oil change, though."

A small smile curled Riku's lips. He turned to Repliku, walking a couple steps behind him.

"We used scented oil last time."

"Why would you do that?" Repliku asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Right?"

"Hey now!" Sora said, " _You_ got me that oil."

They continued on, past the last house where the path turned to a thin trail. Dew still coated the grass and misted their shoes. The forest proper gave the hill a wide berth, only a single tree defiantly planted itself on the highest point. An aged oak, older than most everything else that lived and died here. The slope leading up to it ate up the trail so they had to trudge through the mud for the last of the way.

"Riku, look!" Sora exclaimed, pointing towards the tree. "Race you!"

Sora ran off, laughter in the air. A heartbeat later Riku followed him. Sora usually lost these races in fair competition, so he looked for advantages – like catching Riku off-guard.

However, his hubris soon caught up to him. At the top of the hill, where the ground was becoming even again, Sora slipped in the mud. A tragic fall just short of his goal. Thankfully, Riku was close behind him, and he deftly grabbed Sora by the back of his shirt, careful of his flailing arms. He pulled him upright, and suddenly, they were too close. He peered down at Sora, a blush growing on both of their cheeks.

Sora laughed, sort of breathlessly. "Thanks, Riku."

Something in Riku's gut twinged and he scratched his cheek. "No problem," he said.

He moved his gaze to Sora's freckles, scattered all over his face, to avoid the intensity of his eyes. Come summer, there would be more, rotating constellations of the sun's love displayed on his skin.

Repliku tore them out of their little bubble.

"Hurry up already," he sneered, leaning against the tree.

Sora and Riku broke apart and hurried after him.

“You won!” Sora said.

“A race I wasn't invited to,” Repliku answered sourly.

“I'm sorry, I got distracted – we used to race all the time, you know?”

Repliku didn't, and he surly reminded them. Then Sora and Riku grew quite sheepish.

Especially Riku knew the ugly feeling of exclusion and he would make sure he didn't do the same to Repliku.

They didn't linger there much longer, eager to shake off the remaining tension. But Repliku didn't ease up much, and even though they tried hard, they couldn't coax a smile out of him. His mood did seem to improve a bit when Riku tripped over a rock and no one was there to catch him.

Leaving the tree atop the hill, they skirted close to the forest. Almost like a protective barrier, a creek shielded them from its beginning. They followed it for a while and eventually diverted from its path to get back to the village. The sun followed them, noon turning to afternoon, and Riku almost forgot under what pretense he had invited Sora out if it weren't for the faint but insistent pressure in his gut. It lurked there, and during each flare he searched for Repliku's eyes. Most of the time, he was looking away, frowning at the ground, and the only thing Riku got for his trouble was snark.

They said goodbye to Sora at the edge of the village proper, where the path continued on back to the forge. Sora enveloped him in a goodbye hug and Riku turned stiff like a scarecrow, his hands hovering over Sora's back but not quite touching him. There was a pang of something sharp in his chest, taking his breath away. His head snapped to Repliku as if to ask “did you feel that, too?”. But Repliku wasn't looking at him yet again, he was looking at  _Sora_ with a glare, so familiar to Riku. His eyes lit up when he noticed Riku's attention even as he quickly schooled his face into indifference.

As Riku narrowed his eyes, wondering what that was about, Sora let go. The pang in his chest abated, and Riku sighed.

“Sorry,” Sora said sheepishly, “I should have asked first.”

“No, no, it's fine,” Riku said and curled his fingers into loose fists.

“Well, I'll be going then,” Sora said, starting to turn.

Riku caught hold of his sleeve before he could and cleared his throat. “Thank you... for today.”

Sora smiled then. “Anytime!”

They waved to each other kind of awkwardly, and after Sora almost stumbled walking backwards, he finally turned around and all but ran away.

Once Sora was of sight, they started on their way home, too.

“I'm wondering...” Riku started casually, kicking a pebble in his path.

Repliku looked at him with something akin to alarm. His eyes were a fraction too wide, his lips strained in a tense line. He was no longer hard to read.

“... Are you jealous?”

Repliku laughed sharply. “Jealous? Me?”

That ugly feeling he could never name, that had infested his heart and grown around his ribcage, had that been jealousy? It was easier to see in Repliku, the gritted teeth at simple happiness, the snappish remarks, each time that Sora held his attention for too long.

“Are you?” Riku pressed.

“Dream on,” Repliku hissed and gave himself away.

It's exactly what Riku would have said, had someone bothered to confront him. The defensiveness masked as hostility. They both lived for the principle of defense through aggression once indifference had been broken through. He smiled at Repliku.

“Oh, I will,” he teased.

Repliku flushed and his mouth fell open. “Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Not bothering with him any longer, Repliku sped up and stomped away from him.

Riku laughed under his breath and followed him. He wondered, though, who exactly Repliku was jealous of, and, in turn, who _he_ had been jealous of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just One Huge Scene and it was titled "fun times :)"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which some things live and some things die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me 2 hours to make soup today. who needs 2 hours to make soup? i'm blaming the weather, which is very hot today.

At home, Repliku pretended nothing had happened. He sat on his chair, his hair already combed and neat, and inquired after Riku's heart. Riku took the distraction for what it was, and had to admit that there was not another spark the likes of the one after their fight. Not another _positive_ spark.The only change was what Repliku did not want to talk about.

They wondered what else they could try.

“There is one thing,” Riku said. “Physical touch.”

“Need me to beat your ass again?”

“That's not the kind of physical touch I mean.”

Repliku rolled his eyes. “Why haven't you tried it? You had plenty of opportunity – obviously Sora would throw himself at you.”

“I can't,” Riku said.

“You already _did_ ,” Repliku countered.

“That was... an emotionally charged situation.” It had felt so _right_ to finally hold Sora in his arms again that everything else faded away, and the only reason why he hadn't lain in bed sleepless was the fact that he put every bit of himself in the sword. Teasingly deadpan, he continued, “Surely you wouldn't agree to practicing with me, right?”

To his surprise, Rep slouched a bit to hide his face behind a hand. When he spoke, his voice was uncharacteristically soft. “I.... would. Anything specific you have in mind?”

There was one thing he could think of; The first thing he stopped doing once everything became weird _._ He offered Repliku his hand.

“Hold my hand?”

Repliku's eyes widened and he looked between Riku and his hand multiple times, as if to gauge his seriousness. Then he oh so carefully accepted. Their hands fit together kind of awkwardly. The touch was feather-light until Riku clasped his hand, stroking over the back of it with his thumb, and pulled Repliku to his feet. A shiver ran down Riku's spine then and when the urge to smile rose, he didn't resist it. That was what he had been missing now. The pleasant warmth blooming in his chest, the stuttering of breath. Judging by the red colour on Repliku's cheeks, he felt it, too. He peered up at Riku with big eyes.

“Satisfied now?” Riku teased, tugging on Repliku's hand.

The look of wonder slipped from his face and Repliku scowled. “You're the absolute worst. You're the one who _asked,_ be satisfied yourself, jerk.”

Repliku jerked his hand back and went in his corner to sulk. But Riku himself was rather satisfied, because there was something about Repliku he was starting to understand.

Like a memory just outside his reach, Riku was on the cusp of realization. It was on the tip of his tongue, a word he knew but could not grasp.

There had to be something to jog his mind. He paced through his home, two steps forward, two steps back, running in circles. There had to be something else, something he was missing that could help. He had thought that his sword could give him answers, and though its raw build was completed, he was no closer to solving this.

But... he stopped as though struck by lightning. Of course, there was another sword! A pair of swords, to be exact. Something within him had stopped him from destroying them.

Riku rushed to his closet, wrenched the door open, and dropped to the ground. They were hidden at the back. He carefully pulled out an old chest, dusting it off with the back of his hand. It didn't have a lock, only a clasp in the shape of a star. He pried it open and lifted the lid.

Resting within, on a red blanket, were two wooden swords. They were quite worn down, especially the blades' wood which splintered in places. But to Riku, they were a treasure. When they were kids, Sora and he used these to play-fight. They bothered the carpenter until she made the swords for them. And it took months to get the hardheaded woman to budge.

So overwhelming, nostalgia almost brought tears to his eyes. It hit him squarely in the chest, and he didn't need a heart to feel it. For one weak moment, he hugged the swords to his chest.

Then he rose, one sword held in each adoring hand, and he knew what to do.

Repliku was outside, cloud-gazing. As the evening encroached, the sun painted the clouds in shades of red. The colour reflected from his silver hair, too, turning it into a soft pink.

Riku crouched down next to him and when Repliku lazily opened an eye to look at him, he offered him a sword.

“I challenge you to a duel,” Riku said.

“Again?” Repliku laughed, accepting the sword.

“It helped last time.”

“Why these ones?” Repliku asked. He turned the sword over in his hand. “They're falling apart.”

Now it was Riku's turn to laugh. “Maybe so, but these have feelings attached to them.”

“Is that why you've been working so hard on the new one?”

Riku shrugged, then shook his head. “That one is... just something I want to do for myself. A sword seemed right.”

“You have a thing for swords, don't you?” Repliku smirked. He stood up and offered Riku his hand. “Let's duel, shall we?”

They took their positions on either end of the field. The weight of the sword was unfamiliar in his hand, lighter than he remembered it. The sight of Repliku, calm and collected, was unfamiliar as well. But Riku was in control this time.

It was more of a dance, not a tide threatening to overtake. A dance had predictability, a dance could be learned; Riku went on the offense. He dictated their speed, their flow, the current between them. When Repliku stumbled, Riku swiped his feet out from under him. But Repliku did not stay down for long. What he lacked in skill, he more than made up for in persistence. Riku got to watch his confidence grow as the fight went on, and with it the ferocity of their little dance. Each blow started to echo, their steps got quicker, and Riku's focus narrowed to Repliku's glowing eyes.

Their swords came together for the last time and with a terrifying _crack_ they splintered. Unceremoniously, their momentum let Riku and Repliku crash together. They went down in a heap on the ground, limbs tangled together. With a howl Repliku quickly broke free. Riku, however, sat up slowly, quite dazed from his focus being broken so suddenly. He absentmindedly plucked a splinter from his arm.

“They broke,” he said.

“Oh fuck,” Repliku said.

Riku lay down on the ground, staring up at the sky. Repliku joined him. So they rested, until their chests stopped heaving and the world righted itself. Riku blinked until the clouds came into focus and flexed his fingers until the numbness left. Then Repliku rolled over on his side and asked:  
“How are you feeling?”

Riku turned his head to him and took stock of things. He didn't know whether it was his heartlessness, though it never had much problem with negative feelings before, or the shock, but his answer was, “Good. I am... relieved.”

The swords broke. Somehow, he didn't mind. How much longer should they have lain so miserably in that chest? Damned to never be used again. It was better this way. He couldn't have given them a better funeral than this. A knight's death, wasn't it?

His bones ached pleasantly.

“Let me ask you something,” Riku said.

“Shoot,” Repliku replied.

“What are you feeling for me?”

It was perhaps an unfair question to ask. Repliku's eyes widened and Riku could feel the heat rise to his face.

“You suck,” he said and turned around.

“You can feel it, too, can't you? All this time, it wasn't me the emotions came from.” He sat up and gently touched Repliku's shoulder. “But still I know what they are, and I know I felt similarly about Sora.”

Repliku sat up, shaking off Riku's hand, and drew his knees to his chest. His head was still half turned away from Riku so he could only see one ice blue eye.

“So you know, huh? I thought we could break our bond before that happens...” He briefly glanced at Riku before his gaze dropped back to the ground. “You want to know what I'm feeling for you? I... I just.... admire you.”

“Is that all?” Riku asked.

“You're not making this easy, are you?” Repliku said.

“Wouldn't be me if I did,” Riku quipped.

It worked, and Repliku smiled.

“But you don't have to say more if you don't want to,” Riku added. The concept of _admiration_ alone was enough to keep Riku awake.

“And back down from a challenge?” Repliku huffed. “Do you know me at all?”

It was quiet while Repliku collected himself, and Riku allowed him the time. He was asking a lot of him, even though he was unworthy of it; They were connected and yet Repliku was undeniably himself, distinct and unique, and didn't owe him anything. His feelings were his – to share or keep, to explain or obscure.

Repliku wrung his hands, a nervous habit Riku didn't have. Although Riku could feel his dread, knew how hard his heart beat, Repliku faced him, certainty on his tongue.

“I love you.”

And if Repliku saw something in him that could be loved – if there really was at least _something_ in him that could be loved, maybe... maybe he was worthy of a heart that could love in return. A heart that could respond to the trembling confession with the respect it deserved, that could add warmth to the truth.

“I... I care about you, too, but not in the same way.”

Repliku smiled sadly, running his thumb over his palm. “I know.”

Riku swallowed down the urge to apologize. “Thank you, Repliku,” he said instead, and meant it.

The thanks hung heavy between them, and Repliku hid his face in his knees. His heart stuttered, struggling to pump courage through his blood.

“Actually...” he started, very shyly peeking at Riku, “could you call me Ren?”

“Of course. Thank you, Ren.”

A pleased little smile wound its way on Ren's face.

_'Repliku'_ was a name picked out of necessity. It only reflected the past, a circumstance, a label more than a name. Riku gladly welcomed Ren, reprised.

Today, Riku was alone in the workshop. It was after normal work had concluded and he sent Ren ahead to rest. There was something he wanted to finally take care of, and he wanted to do it alone.

He took down the sheepskin and carefully lifted the blade from its resting place. It looked beautiful in the light. Though there was still the matter of making its hilt and, before that, refining it through polishing and sharpening. Still, looking at what he had achieved so far, filled him with a sense of accomplishment.

“What are you still doing here, Riku?”

Riku almost jumped out of his skin, whirling around to find his Master standing in the doorway. For a big person like him, he always managed to sneak up on him.

“Master Aeleus!”

Riku stood frozen like a statue as his Master's gaze swept over the scene before him. Riku had started putting out the materials he needed and the sword lay in grand display, unmissable. But Riku felt quite foolish all of a sudden as he could not read his face, knew not what the Master thought. All he could do was silently wait for his Master's judgement.

He stepped closer and put a hand on Riku's shoulder. His stalwart gaze bore into Riku.

“I will help, if you wish it. I realize now that I have not supported you like a Master should. You have chosen a big undertaking and you do not need to undergo it alone if you so wish.”

“You're not mad?” Riku blurted out.

“My apprentice has found a calling. I am gladdened, not mad. Do you want my help?”

A part in Riku wanted to refuse, to stubbornly insist on doing it alone, but more than that, he wanted to grasp this chance to connect with his Master. To refuse the offer, when he could use the help, would be foolish and only show that he had not learned anything at all.

“Thank you, Master. I do.”

Master Aeleus squeezed his shoulder. “To work, then. You are making a sword, yes?”

“That is right,” Riku said.

“Then this old swordsmith shall help you.”

“You're a swordsmith?” Riku burst out, his loose tongue be damned. He did not know where this loquacity came from, as he had only treated the Master with the utmost respect before.

But the Master only laughed heartily. “So I am, lad. In my younger year I was a travelling blacksmith. Wherever my services were needed, I went, and swords are always needed.”

“Then why did you settle here?”

“For love,” Master Aeleus smiled wistfully. “Oh, he is long gone, but I stayed, and I shall look forward to the day I can join him. Don't look sad, boy. We are patient men and it will be a while longer still.”

They didn't talk more thereafter. But Riku felt like he had gained a new understanding of his Master, and the atmosphere between them had become less tense.

True to his word, Master Aeleus only assisted him where he was wanted, leaving the reins solely to Riku. It took some getting used to, being the one in charge of someone so much wiser than him, yet they did fine work. At the end, when the blade was shimmering and sharp, they sat down together for a little rest. Riku marvelled at the work they – _he_ had created.

The Master's heavy hand squeezed his shoulder again. “I am proud of you,” he said suddenly.

Riku startled, embarrassment that was all his own crawling on his cheeks. He ducked his head and hid a smile behind his hand.

“Be proud, Riku.”

With those words the Master bid him farewell and left for the night. Riku sat on his stool and curled in on himself. His Master had praised his work before, but Riku never thought he put much pride in him. Amusedly, he thought that perhaps it was best this happened now, while he was without heart. It was rather much even when he lacked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've cleared the way to the final chapter! how've you liked the journey so far? I won't get sappy about this fic quite yet, but i'm glad you all went on it with me. i hope you enjoyed this chapter and will enjoy the final one!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which a heart is won

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you ready for the finale? thank you for reading this far! I'll see you on the other side!

The three of them – Sora, Ren, and Riku – came together once more. Riku had summoned them to figuratively pour his heart out. They sat huddled together on the floor of Riku's shack, where they had gathered before.

“I don't think it's going to work,” he said outright. “I don't think I'm closer to getting a heart than I was last week.”

Ren swore. “Then what else are we going to do?”

“Wait, are you sure it isn't working?” Sora, ever the optimist, asked.

Riku wrinkled his nose. “If it is, it's very slow. I won't get anywhere like this.”

He had experienced random bouts of stronger emotions that were his own, even if he hadn't recognized them in the moment, but at this pace he would be announced a blacksmith master before he could call a heart his own again.

“Let me try something,” Sora said.

He scooted closer and put his hand on Riku's chest, his eyes falling shut. Riku didn't dare breathe as he waited. Sora's hand was a firm pressure on his chest, and from it warmth spread through his entire body. He exchanged a helpless look with Ren, who only snickered.

When Sora slowly blinked his eyes open, there was a small smile on his lips. “I can definitely feel something,” he said, his voice trembling with giddiness. “It's faint, but it's there.”

Riku squirmed away from his hand and substituted his own. His chest was warm beneath his palm and yet, there was no beating that he could feel. At length, he said, “Still, it's too slow. Ansem still has my whole heart. And I will get it back from that creep.”

“I have a score to settle as well,” said Ren.

“Then let's do it,” Sora agreed, “though, how are we going to get at him?”

“We know he's somewhere inside that forest...” Ren mused.

“About that...” Riku said. “I think I know someone who might be able to help.”

“Who's that?”

“I'll tell you if I'm successful.” Riku stood up and nodded at his friends. “I'll see you later.”

“Be safe!” Sora said.

“Take care,” Ren said.

His path brought him back to the forest, which welcomed him happily. Small, flowering vines curled around the trees and showed him the path. The soft dirt under his feet softened his steps so they were barely audible. Magic lay potent in the air, so when the trees opened to a small glade with lush, green gras, he wasn't surprised to see the good fairy there.

She was sitting at a small, round table, a teacup in her hand. The table and the two chairs were a sleek silver, ornate tendrils wound around the filigree metal. Atop the table stood a teapot, a plate of cookies, and another cup from which steam rose. She waved at Riku when he approached, and he gingerly sat down on the other chair.

“Hello, Riku,” she greeted him. She seemed genuinely happy to see him, something which still confused him.

“Good day, good fairy.”

“Do go ahead and drink some tea. It is very relaxing!” At her ushering, he took the cup into his hands as she sipped on her own tea.

“I suppose you know why I'm here,” Riku said. “I want to apologize. I should have listened to you from the start.”

She smiled at him. “Oh, dear, I appreciate your apology even though I don't think it's necessary. I only hope that you soon accept your true greatest wish.”

“But how can I accept it when I don't know what it is?”

There was a twinkle in her eye when she replied, “I think deep down you already know what it is.”

Riku feared that, too, though he hadn't dared to put it into clear words. If Sora really was part of this wish, as he suspected, then he would surely ask for too much. As his heart had done the first time, which led to all of this. Riku shook his head.

“There's something else I need to ask you,” he said.

“I will answer if I can, my child.”

“I need my heart back from Ansem. Do you know where to find him?”

For the first time, her expression clouded over. He couldn't help but think that this rainy demeanour looked wrong on her. “I know that demon. He is not hard to find – go beyond my realm and he will probably find you first. Be wary, he only cares about the matters of the heart. No physical force on earth can help you get your heart back now.”

“Then what do I do?”

“You must try a ruse, if you are to stand a chance,” she said.

“You expect me to trick him?” he asked.

“Indeed. Remember, Riku, a true wish will always shine through the darkness. You have an exceptional power within you just waiting to be set free.” She placed her empty teacup on its saucer. “That is all I can tell you, my child. I wish I could help you more.”

Riku took a sip of his tea. It was the sweet, fruity kind. The path ahead was still clouded, but what had he hoped for, really? That the fairy had a convenient scheme at hand, just waiting for him to come along? No, this, too, was something he had to do himself. There were so many things that could go wrong. One would think that trying to trick a demon was only going to end with misery. But he had to try even if the only certainty he had was his goal – and a wish.

“It's okay,” he said, cradling his cup. “Thank you.”

“Of course, dear. I believe in you with all my heart.”

She smiled at him and poured herself another cup.

“Now, why don't you take a cookie?”

He thanked the fairy for her hospitality, but said that he needed to go back. “My friends are waiting for me.”

She laughed kindly upon hearing that and got out her magic wand. She tapped it on the cookie platter and quickly were they bundled up in a light blue cloth. She handed that to him and insisted he take it.

So he returned with a bundle of cookies and a dash of hope. The fairy couldn't offer him a cure-all, a perfect solution. But she gave him belief. And he, too, had to believe. In himself, and in Sora's words that there was a faintly beating piece of heart in his chest.

Ren and Sora were still home, exactly where he had left them. However, they were now lying on the ground like corpses might lie in a grave.

“Welcome back,” Sora groaned when Riku closed the door behind him.

“What happened to you?” Riku asked.

“We were just talking,” Ren said gravelly.

Riku looked at them. “I see. About what? Death?”

“Close,” Ren replied.

“You, actually,” Sora added.

“Me?”

They nodded in unison. Riku wondered what there was for them to talk about – and why it had this effect on them. He knew that his person wasn't always pleasant, yet he thought that he had grown enough to be confronted with it directly.

“Nevermind that,” Ren said, struggling to sit up. “How did it go?”

Riku gave them the fairy's gift and relayed what little he had learned.

“A ruse?” Ren wrinkled his nose, showing exactly what he thought of it. “Always a good plan for the disadvantaged.”

Riku nodded, just as displeased. “We know what he is after.”  
“And that he got it,” Ren said sourly.

“... Or so he thinks. He was supposed to take my heart and replace it with one that can't feel. But I can still feel – our deal didn't hold. If he thinks that there is still something to get, he will take us to the place where he keeps his 'collection'.”

Deceit based on the truth was most powerful. It was exactly what Ansem did to him.

Ren crossed his arms. “And once we're there, we need your heart back. How do we do that? We can't fight him.”

“He is a creature of the darkness. When he took my heart, he thrust me into the dark... so when I get it back, I will return to the light.”

“That's... all? What then, you'll make a wish or something?”

Ren's voice dripped with sarcasm, but he was closer to the truth than either of them would like. Riku had no plan for what to do when they got there. He only had hope and the potential of a wish. He shrugged.

“That's all. You don't have to come with me, but I have to try.”

“Forget it,” Ren snorted. “I'm coming with. You either live with me or you die with me, I don't care which one.”

“I'm coming, too,” Sora announced.

But Riku looked at him and immediately said, “You're not going.”

Sora rose and puffed out his chest. “Huh? Why not?”

“Between the three of us, there is one certain heart – yours. It's too dangerous.”

“I don't care about that.”

Riku huffed. “You should. He'll take your heart! Do you want to end up like me?”

“I'd let him if that's what it took!”

“Sora, _no_.”

Sora slumped. “You're my best friend. I can't just sit here and do nothing.”

Riku looked down at his best friend and frowned. He thought about the danger. They were going to walk directly into the claws of a demon, without a sufficient plan to save their hides, and here was one with the strongest heart Riku knew offering to go with them. Risking to fall prey in favour of being with _Riku._ It terrified him.

But he also thought about what it meant to let Sora make this decision. Sora had to know the danger ahead and yet this was his choice.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “You saw what happened to me.”

Sora put a hand over his heart and clenched his fist. “I am. I want to come with you.”

Oh, how he had wanted to see doubt streak over his face. But Sora was at least as stubborn as he was, and his heart was not easily swayed once it set its course. If he told him no, Sora would probably follow them anyway. It wasn't Riku's place to make this decision for him.

Moreover, a selfish part inside of him dared to be relieved. _A true wish will always shine through the darkness..._ His wish was their best chance. And with Sora being a part of it, that put him in a precarious position. If Ansem found out about it before the wish was realized, who knew what he would do.

But maybe part of doing better also meant admitting to himself that he wanted Sora with him, no matter how stupid it was. Even now. _Especially_ now.

“Okay,” he said at last. “I trust you. But no sacrifices. Promise me that.”

Sora held out his pinky. “I promise you. If you promise, too.”

Riku hooked their fingers together.

“Then... let's go.”

The vines and flowers were gone, the first thing Riku noticed as he entered the forest with Ren and Sora. The forest now looked the same as it usually did, untouched by their fates. It was serene in a way none of them were, and yet, the birds were just a bit quieter, the leaves rustled that bit louder. The wind followed them in its endless curiosity.

They passed the glade where Riku had met the fairy earlier and proceeded beyond. They walked until leaves crunched beneath their feet and they reached a clearing that Riku thought he remembered. Only sparse sunlight filtered through the treetops here, as though the trees had bent their trunks to carve out this unnatural space.The breeze played with the disturbed earth at the center of this clearing, and Riku knew they had arrived at the right place.

“Ansem!” He called. “I know you are here. Come out!”

The wind whirled up, brushed past his arm. The trees bend down to watch the spectacle. At once the sun had disappeared and cast them in shadows. In front of them stood Ansem. One hand lay over his heart and he bowed slightly, his gold eyes fixated on Riku.

“You honour me with another visit. This time with company.”

His gaze slid first to Ren, who drew back a little, then to Sora. His eyes seemed to light up, and although he continued talking to Riku, they did not move.

“Why have you come here?”

Riku shielded Sora from him. “You have not kept your end of the deal. My heart should be gone, and yet I can feel like before.”

“Indeed you have something that belongs to me.” Ansem's gaze swept back to Ren before it crashed into Riku. He held out his hand. “Come with me and you shall gain what you wish for.”

“I will.”

“We're coming, too,” Ren snarled.

“Naturally.”

Ansem bowed with a flourish, his arms extended on either side, and disappeared in the shadows. The ground rapidly broke away beneath them and they fell. Sora and Ren clutched his arms in fear, but Riku resolutely looked ahead.

They crossed the point of no return. He would not choose the coward's way again; He had too much to lose. And if only one of the two of them shall emerge from that cave, Riku would make sure that it was him who stood victorious.

Ansem reappeared when they stood on firm ground again. His bright eyes peered at them from the darkness, the red glow of the hearts barely illuminated his outline. The demon beckoned them and led the way. Without looking back, Riku followed Ansem, past the hearts throbbing in their crystal cages. He could not tell if new spires had erupted since his last visit.

Ren and Sora walked closely next to him, surveying their surroundings with caution.

“I've seen him before,” Ren whispered, clenching his fists hard enough that his knuckles turned white. “When we got separated in the forest.”

His heart beat frantically, amplified by the cave, a flutter imitated by Sora's on Riku's other side. So that was what had left Ren so distraught. Riku gritted his teeth. He wanted to ask what Ansem had done to him, but they already reached the stone table where the demon waited for them.

Wordlessly Ansem summoned a crystal. Within floated a heart like in the others, however this one had a crack. One corner was broken off and missing entirely. But it was still alive, throbbin in a quick, gruesome rhythm. Ansem held it out to them.

“This is your heart, boy.”

“This broken heart is supposed to be mine?” Riku said angrily, only he knew it to be true. He could hear its insistent call.

“Indeed. The missing shard allows you to feel. You were weak,” Ansem said with a hint of melancholy. “It's hard to let go, isn't it? Rather than set it free, you clung to it at the last moment. Better that something break than be out of your grasp.

“Did you want Sora to break when you left him?”

“Riku...?” Sora's hand wound around his own, and only then did Riku realize that he was trembling. He shook his head, averting his eyes from the heart, and took a deep, shuddering breath. Immediately, some of the pressure on his chest alleviated.

“I never wanted to hurt him,” Riku told himself.

“Don't listen to that creep,” Ren seethed, pressed to his side. “He's trying to get into your head.”

Riku knew that. He was fully aware of that, and yet, he could not deny the truth within those poison words.

“Return what is rightfully mine.” Ansem pointed at Ren – at his heart.

Protectively Ren put a hand over his chest and shifted his right side forward.

“Then your heart shall be whole, and finally you shall be rid of it entirely.”

Ren and Riku locked eyes, fear reflected in both of them. The broken off shard had brought Ren to life. For a short moment Ren's fingers dug into his chest, then his gaze steeled and acceptance replaced fear. But Riku also made a decision, because if Ren thought Riku would let him give up what he had fought for, he thought _wrong._

“But I can feel it beating in my chest,” he exclaimed. “I have a heart, and this broken one isn't it.”

Ansem curled his outstretched hand to a fist. “A fool. Very well then, I will prove to you that this is your heart.”

Riku squeezed Sora's hand and let go. This was their chance. Even broken, his heart could return to him. It was hard to think with its beat droning against his skull. Once he had it back they had to believe in the light. He walked over to Ansem.

“Riku!” Ren hissed, reaching out to pull him back. “It's me he wants. What are you doing?”

But Sora stopped him and shook his head. “You have to believe. Riku knows what he is doing.”

Ren struggled weakly against him. “He better.”

Riku crossed the short distance between them and got onto the stone table. It was colder than ice and sent shivers through his whole body. But he didn't flinch away. Ansem pierced the crystal around his heart and it shattered like ice. Riku flinched and Ren staggered, having to lean on Sora. Suddenly, existing was almost unbearable. His world shrunk down to the incessant beating of his broken heart. _Bump, bump, bump,_ it battered against his core, against his chest, against his body. Above him, Ansem began to speak, almost inaudible to him.

“A heart only fits into the chest it was taken from. A heart may only join together in the chest in which it belongs.” Ansem bared his fangs and the shadows drew closer, veiling Riku's already blurry vision. “Good night, Riku.”

Everything turned dark.

Riku fell through the darkness until his feet softly touched the ground, and the dark expanse welcomed him back. Instead of the nothingness he expected, though, spread out before him was a perfectly picturesque scenery: a creek wound its way through a meadow covered in flowers. The sun shone overheard, hidden by just a few clouds so that it may not burn as strongly. In the background stood a small cottage. Everything looked like it was drawn with watercolours.

He recognized the place.

He remembered sitting by the stream with Sora, dipping their feet in the water. It was another hot day, and Sora's shoulders were full of freckles from the sun. Riku worried he would get a sunburn even though he never did – only Riku ever got sunburnt.

The water was cool, in contrast the necklace he clutched in his hand was hot. He had made it himself, both the crown-shaped pendant and the simple metal chain, as a gift for Sora. But his heart pounded in his chest, so loud it almost drowned out Sora's voice, and he couldn't get his hand to open. Why was he so nervous? This was Sora, and Sora always liked his gifts. This one was special, though, because Riku wanted to tie a promise to it.

The scene in front of him blurred and changed to nightfall. Now Sora and he were lying under the stars. Riku still hadn't given him the necklace. The crown's prongs would leave permanent marks in his skin, if he didn't work up the courage soon. Meanwhile, this was nice, too, because the sky was so clear that they could see all the stars sparkling overhead. Riku pointed out some constellations and Sora added some he made up himself.

Suddenly, a shooting star raced across the sky. Sora gasped and excitedly shook Riku's shoulder. He smiled and pointed at the stars, asking Riku if he had seen that, too. Riku smiled back, but he was focused only on Sora. And the only thing racing through his head was a steady stream of _I love you'_ s.

When Sora predictably asked him what he had wished for, Riku hadn't come up with an answer beyond the truth.The gift sat heavy in his hand and there truly was no better moment to wait for, wish and promise one and the same. So Riku took Sora's hand in his and put the bundled necklace in his hand. He closed his eyes and uttered the wish to stay together as long as possible. When he opened his eyes, Sora's eyes shone brighter than the stars and everything else faded in the background. Sora asked him to put the necklace on for him, and when that was done, he flung his arms around Riku's neck.

Riku asked him what he had wished for and Sora grinned, echoing Riku's wish. To stay together for a lifetime.

Love. That was what beat in his heart for Sora. Riku felt small, and silly, having forgotten that. The answer was so simple now that he had it yet he had been blind to it. The promise from back then had grown with him, within him, and out of control. It had stopped being a wish he held and started being a command that held him. He wanted more. Instead of wanting to be together with Sora, he wanted to be the only one for Sora. And that was a terrible way to be. Jealousy smothered his love, which should not be used to force just as it itself could not be forced. His young heart had not realized it, could not understand it.

What he knew for certain now was that he wanted to renew the wish. He would make it bloom with its thorns. These feelings all his own, he treasured them. He would not let them rot again.

A heartbeat.

Riku woke.

Everything was bright. He had to blink several times until his eyes adjusted to the light, and a couple more to realize that it came from himself. From his chest a soft, red light sprouted. His heart was whole, and it was thundering in his chest.  
Everything hurt. The force of a heart in his previously still ribcage, the ferocious blood it pumped through his veins, the feelings that slammed into him. Sora clutching his hand. Were it not for Sora on his left and Ren on his right side, they would have swept him away.

Ren was braced against the table. Only reluctantly he dragged his eyes away from Ansem, meeting Riku's for but a moment. Tears glistened on his cheeks, but he gave Riku a smile. It slipped from his face when he turned to glare at Ansem again, who was on the other side of the room shielding himself against the light.

He wanted to tell Ren everything he was feeling now – he wanted to tell him how he loved him now that he could mean it. He wanted to apologize for giving this up and pushing the duty on him.

But that had to wait.

Riku closed his eyes and steadied his shuddering breathing. He was acutely aware of his racing pulse, with no hopes of calming it. It was reassuring, in a way. This couldn't be another dream.

He opened his eyes again and looked over to Sora. The first thing he saw was the grey necklace dangling from his neck. The crown pendant was a bit dull by years of wear and Riku realized he had never seen Sora without it after he had given it to him. Sora had never taken off their promise. It squeezed his heart in an iron grip. But he bravely lifted his gaze and they locked eyes.

In the light, Sora looked ethereal even as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. When Riku squeezed his hand, he couldn't hold them back anymore. They streamed freely down his cheeks and he fell into Riku's arms. Riku caught him and held him tight. Their hearts beat together, a harmonious discord of hearts scrambling to attune after so long apart. And Riku couldn't help but think that everything leading up to this had been worth it, in a way. All the pain that came with it. He would take this path again if it led to this one realization, acceptance, love. He held the one he loved so dearly in his arms and revelled in the feeling. There was no fear in his heart anymore. No doubt. He could do anything.

“Sora,” he whispered, “I love you.”

Even this.

For a moment, everything stood still. There was just him and Sora, nothing else. Then Sora inhaled sharply and pulled back just enough to search Riku's face. His own scrunched up the way it did when he tried to stop crying, to no avail. No matter how many tears he blinked away, new ones came to take their place. Tears also burned in Riku's eyes but he refused to let them fall until he heard Sora's answer.

“Riku, I love you. I love you, I love you,” Sora blubbered.

Still, it was the best confession Riku could have dreamed of. His fragile heart threatened to burst with it, his smile so wide it hurt. It was overwhelming and yet, Riku was the happiest he had been in years in this moment.

“I'm sorry it took this for me to realize it,” he said.

“If you're sorry, so am I. I've always felt this way, but I could never put a name to what I was feeling.” He cupped Riku's face. “When I did, it was so big, the feeling 'Love'. I didn't know what to do.”

Riku leaned into the touch; Sora absentmindedly wiped his tears away. One question burned on his tongue. “When did you realize?”

“When you pushed me away. And I realized I could lose you,” Sora answered without hesitation.

Riku's heart contracted. He gently touched his forehead to Sora's.

“You won't lose me. I swear it.”

The light from his chest flared once before settling within his heart. Suddenly, the ground beneath them shook and the walls began to crumble. Shadows crawled along the floor, advancing on them, but they couldn't reach them.

“How is this possible!?”

Riku stood and faced Ansem. Smoke curled around the demon and what shadows remained dragged at his frazzled form.

“It's over, Ansem.”

“Your heart was broken. Your chest, empty!”

“Not as empty as you thought.”

Ansem's eyes landed on Sora before falling to their joined hands. He laughed under his breath. The rumbling stopped and he straightened, pushing his hair out of his face.

“So I, too, shall fade.” As the light tore away at his body, Ansem reached for them, and the last thing he said before he fully faded, barely a whisper, was: “But I will stay in your heart forever, boy.”

Riku stood determined. “That's okay.”

The cave felt lighter, then, with Ansem's disappearance. They breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone except for one.

Ren groaned in pain. He was doubled over, his arms crossed over his chest, breathing heavily. His skin had turned ashen-pale, almost as white as the stark light pooling over his heart. Riku immediately rushed to his side.

“What's wrong?” he asked, holding Ren by the shoulders.

Ren struggled to look at him, his eyes unfocused. “It's calling me,” he whispered with his broken voice. “It hurts. I don't want to disappear.”

The shard. Ansem had said a piece of Riku's heart was inside Ren – and with his heart now free, it was drawn back to him. Desperately, Ren struggled to hold onto it.

“I want to stay. Even if I'm just a broken piece. I want to stay.”

Riku pulled him into an embrace and shivered at the piercing cold that emanated from Ren's body.

“I want you to stay, too.”

He so desperately wanted to grant Ren this wish. Ren was so much more than just a piece of him. He was his own person, with his own feelings, wants, wishes. With his own claim to life. Solid and real in Riku's arms, breathing and alive, trembling in the face of his own end.

“You have to let me go.”

Their proximity burned; The two pieces of heart were so close and yet unable to touch. Riku could feel the pull in his chest even as he tried to stop it. The shard had to return. They both knew that.

“I know.”

Ren let go. His desperate grip on Riku's back loosened until he went limp in Riku's arms. The light broke free from his heart. The white sphere hovered over his chest for a moment as if to say goodbye before it joined Riku. Along with it came everything that Ren had been feeling in that last moment, a maelstrom dominated by distress, and, maybe worst of all, the spark of acceptance, of knowing beyond hope that this was how it had to end.

Nothing could have prepared him for that. It was blinding, too much, and he curled around Ren until there was nothing to curl around anymore. The intensity of it all was almost enough to knock him unconscious. He couldn't see clearly, everything was too bright like a veil was put over his eyes, but he clung to wakefulness. He blindly reached out for Ren, because he still had to be here. He couldn't have just disappeared. What was the use of any of this if he had to give him up? There were too many things Ren still had to see and experience without the shackle of Riku's heart.

His hand found Ren. Immediately, his vision cleared, and Riku could cry. For before him, with a deathly pallor, lay Ren. A shimmering layer of magic surrounded his glassy body. His breaths were small, slow, _alive._ Riku gathered him in his arms, supporting his head with his hand.

Ren didn't look like a copy of him anymore. Some of Riku's features bled away to make way for the _real_ Ren. And Riku refused to give that up. He called his name in this empty cave. It echoed from the stone walls. When that first echo faded, Riku kept calling.

Until life returned to his body and Ren opened his eyes again. They were a stunning green now, no longer the ice blue that Riku's own were.

“You were supposed to let me go,” he said weakly, blinking up at Riku.

“But I couldn't,” Riku replied. “Not when you wanted to stay.”

Ren smiled and wound his arm around Riku's neck, and Riku pulled him to his chest.

“What are you standing around for?” Ren said to Sora, who had withdrawn to allow them the moment alone.

“Oh, uh, I...” Sora fidgeted.

“Will you come here already?”

Sora didn’t need to be told twice and hurried over to them. Carefully he wrapped himself around Ren. Riku caught his eye and they smiled at each other.

Ren's fledgling heart beat between them.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's over!!!! we made it!!! thank you for staying with me. i'll get sappy now.  
> this fic has been a part of my life for... well, at this point, 7 months. it's the first long fic i've ever planned and the 2nd long fic i've written total ( _Hearts in Tune_ , which i wrote last year, was mostly unplanned and spiraled into a 16k words fic). this time, i kind of knew what i was getting into, but still it was quite the adventure! from outline to completion, i must have spent about 450 hours on this story. i put (metaphorical) blood, (real) sweat and tears into it. to say i'm a bit emotional to see it posted is an understatement.  
> i know it's in the fics proper end notes (which follow after this one, like in the previous chapters haha), but i want to thank my friends Harley, Rose, and Gummi again, who made this possible. i never had other people this involved in my writing process while also being this secretive to the Outside World (read: twitter lol), i didn't let anyone else even know the premise. still, other friends and folks were excited for this, and that means the world to me.  
> I won't keep you much longer. but i hope to have touched your heart with this fic in some way and that you could see my heart in this in return.  
> see you again!

**Author's Note:**

> Update Schedule: FINISHED
> 
> i want to extend my heartfelt thanks to: Harley alias fox, who continuously inspires me and who i had wonderful conversations with when this fic was in its baby idea stage (and i was only joking about writing it); to Gummi and Rose, who were consistently fucking excited and encouraging; to all three for listening to me blabber about this in voice calls; to everyone else who expressed excitement and anticipation!
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Lanzelilot) and consider leaving a comment if you liked the chapter!


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